Happy Online

I just had lunch, I’m
not afraid I’m going

to burp, I’m no I’m
going to burp, so I just

wait for a second and get that out before
we actually start doing the news, I should

do a burp ASMR, I
should just do that, that

should just be the
thing I do now, just give

up on all the new
shit, all the talkie talkie

shit, no video games, just sit here and
burp, I should do an only fans, a burping

oriented only fans, burpee
fans, my new website.

Update, last week we
talked about the assembly

member who was
calling for female sanitary

products to be made
available in city hall

for free, like toilet
paper was her comparison

in an eye, and introduced
Japan as a company,

we supported that position, we think people
need stuff, it’s city hall, it’s for the

people, what the people
need should be in there,

women or people, it’s not a hard stance to
take, let’s put it that way, the city hall

came back with a
response and they said they

pulled other municipalities,
so this is their

way of saying this isn’t our idea, this
isn’t our feeling, this isn’t what we think,

this is just what people
think, what people

think is cheaper for
us is really the answer,

they are not going to
place female sanitary

products free in the
bathroom, because of the

risk of theft and the
cost was too high, or

the cost could be too
high, now risk of theft,

I think in my episode last week I said they
could put it in a machine that dispenses

it, I think one of my first suggestions was
they could put it in a machine that would

dispense it, I think
if you threw a small

tertiary price of 100
yen or something, I don’t

think anyone would
actually complain about that,

I do actually think
it’s better if it’s free,

but if you really want
to justify the cost or

the price or something
100 yen for something

that’s apparently
necessary is fine, the thing

is theft, is it free and
is that theft question,

because we did have
the same story last week

of the woman came
into a convenience store,

where a bunch of free
condiments for, I think

condiments isn’t the
right word, whenever

I say that I get stuck,
the stuff for coffee,

so the sugar and the
creamers and stuff, she

went in, grabbed a
bunch of those, put it in

her backpack and left,
and she was arrested

for theft, the risk of theft though, I mean
that was my initial thing was like put it

in a box that dispenses them, and if you’re
worried about theft of sanitary pads,

you probably should
be just as worried about

theft of toilet paper,
and if you’re going

to get strict with toilet paper, and you’re
not getting strict with toilet paper, so

why are you getting so
strict about sanitary pads?

It’s just, it’s one of
those sort of indefensible

positions that the city hall is taken,
probably just to save money, but the inherent

greed of the capitalist
system, I don’t

know, it just seems
like a really lame set of

reasons and or excuses
to not do something,

that is pretty easy and
fairly convenient and

would make a certain segment
of the population’s life a lot easier.

So last week we had
the story for me, it was

one of the bigger stories of the week was
the American who accidentally packed a gun

and came to Japan,
now he did the right thing.

He realized he had a
gun with him in a country

that really doesn’t
like guns, and he turned

himself in, he turned
himself in, he turned the

gun in, he handed
everything over, he didn’t

cause any trouble, prosecutors dropped
the charges and let him go on his way.

That was handled
correctly, so of course now

we have another week,
therefore we must have

another gun story, because
stories seem to come

in little trends, this is
something I’ve noticed,

the streamer being
a nuisance trend is all

over the place, actually
I’m not doing a couple

of those stories, there
was a Russian streamer

who went into an
onsen and cut her hair

and put on her makeup
and everyone was really

grossed out, and
then I don’t know if it’s

the same, I think it’s
a different streamer,

Russian streamer was
walking along the street

and like videoed a
pedestrian guy, which is

technically illegal,
you’re not allowed to film

people without their
consent in Japan, and they

got into a tussle, but
those are now at this

point just repetitive, there’s nothing new
to those stories, or those streamers aren’t

big enough or whatever to
make it worthwhile to cover.

Another man, another
American, therefore

another gun, a 35 year
old man, his suitcase

was being x-rayed and
they found a gun-shaped

object in his suitcase,
so of course they

opened it up to look
at it and they found a

gun in there, then they
found dozens of rounds

of ammunition and then
he had shoes in a box

and in the shoes, there
was a knife in a case,

so he was trying to
bring in a gun, ammunition

and a knife into Japan,
all of those things

are heavily heavily
controlled in Japan, his

decision, his excuse,
his justification for

this was I decided to go to Japan while the
world expo was being held, I don’t think

that’s a justification for bringing a knife
a gun and ammunition into a country, unless

your plan, what you’re
telling the police is

my plan was to shoot
up my plan was to shoot

up the expo and then stab
anyone who was left over.

This is not a justification, it’s not like
the other guy, he said, “Oh, I, you know,

I packed my bag, it
was in my bag, I didn’t

realize it was there,
I got into the country,

I realized it was
there, so I turned it in.”

This guy’s like, “I packed my bag, I packed
my gun and I was going to the expo, so this

is a much more serious
concern, he had no

intention of showing anybody,
telling anybody we’re turning it in.

There was a question
like, “How did these two

guns get into Japan, a country
was such strict gun control?

And it turns out, the people who are more
responsible for checking bags and stuff are

actually departures,
so both of these guns

got through the departures in
America, not the partures in Japan.

So if someone in Japan
tried to do the same

thing, maybe more
likely to get caught, I bet

there would be less
guns being, you know, a

secreted out of Japan
versus secreted into Japan.

You’re not going to buy a gun here or get a
gun here and then try to take it to another

country, it’s probably
easier in almost every

other country to get a gun
if that’s really your intent.

But this guy sounds like his intent was to
bring a gun into Japan and go to expo, and

I don’t know if his was for self-defense,
he didn’t say that, he didn’t say if he was

like angry at a certain
pavilion, he didn’t say

that, he just said, “Oh, I brought
a gun because I’m going to expo.”

Just mentioned that I wasn’t going to talk
about streamers, and then I actually have a

YouTuber, which is the
same thing as a streamer,

let’s face it, a streamer
who does marathons,

which is why I’ve never heard of him
because why I don’t understand marathons.

I understand people doing them, I don’t
understand watching them in like two, three

hours long, it’s people
running the whole time, I mean, I

only want to see the last two
minutes if I want to see that.

This guy has a YouTube channel, it’s fairly
popular, he’s been arrested for smuggling

THC tablets into Japan for
the 2025 Osaka marathon.

Most people would claim
ignorance, but he went

on a podcast earlier
and he actually talked

about how he brings like
THC gummies with him

everywhere he goes, it’s probably
to relax, it’s probably for pain.

If I could get something
similar in Japan for

all my years of judo, I have lots of joint
pain, I hear that helps a lot, I actually

probably would start taking
something similar myself.

I would do pretty
much anything to lessen

the amount of pain I have without
just doing drug drugs drugs all the time.

He went on a podcast
and then he said he

knows he brings them
into most countries, most

countries see them and
they don’t do anything,

but he knew they
were illegal in Japan,

so he tried to get around this, he didn’t
put them in his luggage, he actually tried

to mail them to himself,
so he left, I assume America.

He left America, he
mailed them to maybe the

hotel he was going to
stay at or some place

he was going to stay at, he then took the
trip so he wasn’t carrying them with him.

So he’s trying to get around the system, so
he’s not going to carry the illegal drugs

with him, he’s going
to mail them to himself,

I’ve actually read
tons of stories where

what they do is they let the mail go to its
destination and that’s how they find you

and that’s how they arrest you because
once you receive the illegal drugs, you are

then in possession of
illegal drugs, you’re not

necessarily going to get
arrested for trafficking

illegal drugs, but you are going
to get in trouble just the same.

So he’s been caught,
no one seen anything on

his YouTube channel
for the last two months,

so I don’t know if
he’s been arrested and

being held, I don’t know if he’s been
deported and just sent back to America.

We don’t really know,
honestly, we don’t

really care, don’t bring
drugs to Japan, Japan

sees all drugs as
equivolently, equally bad,

it was a trying to
make a harder word out

of a relatively simple
word, that was a weird

instinct I had just now, there’s actually
been instances of people who come to Japan

and joined my company
to work for my company

and they have medication that they’re taking
back home and they didn’t take the time

to check if that
medication is available,

never mind legal in
Japan, we’ve had a couple

of people come have
to work for a couple of

weeks or a month and
then realize they can’t

get the medication
they need that they’ve

been on for let’s say
years or months in Japan

and then they have to
basically pack up and go home.

So that is something,
should you intend to go

to another country and
you are on medication,

legal medication in
your country, you should

check if that medication
is legal and available

in the country you’re
going to and let’s

face it, an illegal
drug, don’t even bother.

Evangelion, 3.0 plus
1.0 thrice upon a time

Jesus, these titles, I
mean I’m not biased against

anime, I actually
quite enjoy anime as a

general art form but
the titles are ridiculous,

Evangelion is the worst, they get the most,
I guess the story can be relatively obscure

but they get the
most obscure titles, it’s

almost silly, a real
train station in Shizuoka

is in the anime and
they did this, was it your

name, your name the
movie happens in partially

in a real city in Japan
and Gifu and so I

actually went out and
they actually had part

of the tourism thing
was like if you stand

here and take a picture
in this direction, it’s

this scene from the
movie, if you’re on this

bridge over the train
and you wait till this

time the trains will
go through, it’ll be the

exact picture from the
movie, that’s actually

really cool stuff and they’re like you can
go here and see this and it’s really good

for tourism in a small
town in Japan, this

place in Shizuoka has
the same kind of thing,

we want to improve,
we want to encourage

tourism, we want people
to come to this place,

we don’t care if their anime nerds, anime
nerds have the same money as everyone else

in Japan, we’ll take your money, so they
took one of the big spear spike things that

it happens, so what
happens in the anime is a

big spear spike thing
hits that train station

and they made one
of those, it’s actually

quite small, when I
heard about it, it sounded

like it was really
impressive, it’s actually

quite small, they put
one there and then

there’s a train that kind of rotates in the
background and you can take a picture with

both the train and the spear to
show that you’re in the right place.

The problem has arisen,
you’re only supposed

to approach this thing
on a guided tour because

this is still an active
train station, so

they don’t want to
risk injuries, they don’t

want someone
inhibiting the trains or the

other passengers or
other stuff, so they want

to do this in an
organized way, tourists, I

would actually put
money on, they don’t want

to pay the tour fee, so they just
want to roll in whenever they can.

People have been trespassing to take photos,
originally I thought it was going to be

like they’re sneaking at night, it’s just
like people in a station, they see this big

anime spear, they’re like I’m going to go
over there and take a picture with a big

anime spear, which actually makes perfect
sense, so they want to put up more signs

and more stuff because they’re just about
to do another Evangelion campaign, I think

in the next five or
six days, and they’re

expecting tourism to
increase, that also could

lead to interruptions
in the train line, which

is the last thing they
want to have happen.

This story popped up
like four or five times

in my timeline of
news stories, and I was

a bit like I don’t
really want to do this

story, Japan, there’s
an online poll and 60%

of Japanese respondents said they were very
or rather happy, which puts them 27th out

of the 30 countries,
according to this online

survey, the happiest
countries in the world

where the people with
the countries with the

happiest citizens, Mexico
is number three at 82%,

the Netherlands is number two at
86%, and India is number one at 88%.

The least happy countries are South Korea
at 50%, Turkey at 49%, and Hungary at 45%.

So Japan’s in the bottom
tier of these countries

that say they’re
unhappy, and I actually

had a moment where
I was like, well, you are

just asking people
in an online survey, so

maybe people who are
perpetually online doing

surveys are not very happy people, because
if you asked me, I’m a relatively happy

person, although I did
just talk about burnout

at the beginning of the
episode, if you asked

me, I would say
overall, I’m quite happy,

but that’s probably because I don’t
spend my time doing online surveys.

Like I think the people
who do online surveys

would statistically be
less happy than people

who don’t do online surveys, that
might be actually something to look into.

Like if you call me on the street and you
said, are you happy, chunk of beef chest?

I’d be like, yeah, I’m pretty happy.

I mean, my life goes pretty good.

I got very few problems, really.

All my problems are
like self-manufactured,

and that’s sort of a
self-fulfilling prophecy

of failure, something like that, but I mean,
if I actually step back and take a look

at my life, my life is pretty awesome,
and how can I complain about it?

And so there is sort of a weird
thing, like I’m happy, but I want more.

Is that the problem?

Is that like Buddha
would say, the thing

that makes me unhappy is
my ambition for more in my life?

Is it comparing myself to others?

Which you shouldn’t do because,
you know, that’s the thief of happiness.

We’ve all heard that saying,
and I think that’s very true.

When they were saying, why
are you unhappy Japanese people?

And the question
wasn’t is because you’re

always online, and that
has been shown almost

proven to make you less happy
if you were perpetually online.

64% said because of
their economic situation.

I can kind of understand
this, Japan is a very

monetary-driven
society, it’s status-driven.

People always want more money.

I think that’s true of a
lot of capitalist societies.

64% of the unhappy people
in Japan on this online

survey, which is, again, they
didn’t say how many people.

So how many people are actually
being surveyed as a problem?

How many people are unhappy is a
percentage of that small group of people?

So that’s my problem with surveys.

You have to talk about
sample size, you have

to talk about like
what the situation is.

If you sample size a similar group of
people, you should expect a similar answer.

I think if you’re
perpetually online, you’re

going to get more people
who are generally unhappy.

64% because of economics.

I think that’s true.

Japan’s been relatively
stagnant for a very long time.

27% said life does not have
meaning, which is a really sad thing.

They’re saying, I actually think
those two would be combined.

Maybe they feel like money
is their way out of this.

Maybe they feel like
life doesn’t have meaning

if they’re not making more
money and stuff like that.

But the reason so many
of these online people

who did this survey were
unhappy were because

they don’t feel like
their life has meaning.

I think that’s terrible.

But if you want to talk
about the top end, 13%

of people said the
quality of life was good.

And I’m like, yeah, I
bet that’s, again, of

the people on the internet, an online survey
is going to reveal a certain segment of

people that’s going to lead
to a certain type of answer.

I think that’s a big skew as to actual
answer you’re supposed to be getting.

Okay, there’s a town called Modioca.

And the head of the chamber of
commerce was making a speech.

And he’s like, we have a geisha tradition
in Modioca, and we want to keep that going.

Everyone’s like, yeah, so at their peak,
they had a hundred geisha who were working.

They were kind of doing
shows and entertaining

and they would work
in hotels and stuff.

This was a big draw.

Right now they’re down to like two.

So they only have two geisha left in the
city and they’re like, we want these geisha

to train new people to
become geisha to take

their place so we can
rebuild the tradition.

This sounds like a really good idea.

So what went wrong?

Well, let’s put it out there.

This was a dude saying it and the problem
is the dude was being a little too honest.

So they said they wanted applicants
between the ages of 18 to 25.

And then someone in the
audience probably a reporter went,

why do you want applicants
only within the rage of 18 to 25?

And he said, geisha, bring out men,
obviously men like young women.

There’s a weird honesty
there because he’s

saying, look, this is something that
appeals to dudes and dudes like young women.

So we should do our best
to appeal to those men

because that’s where
we’re going to get our money.

And that’s advertising
like advertising

doesn’t put on average or
ugly looking people for a reason.

They put on attractive
people, they might be

young or older, but they have
chosen specifically attractive people.

Someone of course had
to pull it back because

there’s a certain
backlash that comes with.

Geisha bring out men, obviously
men like younger women.

A committee supervisor
tried to pull it back

by saying, not
necessarily apologizing that

it is a physically
demanding job and therefore

younger people would
be able to handle it better.

43 year old man.

So you can see near the we’re at the tail
end of the episode because we had a man

he’s being gross in his own way, but I
think he was just thinking commercially.

Then we have this guy,
a post office employee.

So he hasn’t hit our
50 year old threshold

that I’ve been putting
on for the really creepy

behavior in Japan,
but I think working in

the stress of the post
office maybe has added

to the stress of his life and maybe added
that extra 10 years we need to get him past

that threshold because
he is certainly in the weird

creepy old dude committee
group that I have created.

He was arrested for
sending an envelope with

used condoms to a female
staff at a different post office.

Oh gosh, even saying
this sentence is gross.

And it’s I want to
do the psychological

breakdown of how did you
get to a point where you

woke up in the morning, you’re
like, I’m going to do this thing.

I’m going to put it in an envelope.

I’m going to send it to this lady
who works at another post office.

And that’s a good thing or like, what
did he think the results were going to be?

Like the woman wasn’t
going to be horrified.

She’s like, who sent me this?

This is exciting.

Like there’s no positive.

So it must be the bullying
aspect of this, the inciting a

negative feeling of this is
actually the appeal for the person.

He was arrested for intimidation
and obstruction of business.

It’s been a while since we had a
true obstruction of business charge.

Welcome back to the
obstruction of business counter.

The statement was I sent the
envelopes and I say envelopes.

So this isn’t a singular incident.

So this isn’t a singular instance.

He admits in his
statement, this has happened

multiple times by
using an S which makes

it even grocers on how I sent the
envelopes to satisfy my sexual desire.

I would like an explanation
of how that works,

but I did not intend to
obstruct business operations.

And I don’t know if
you work at a post office

and you are sending what is essentially a
what envelope to another post office, how

you would think that
isn’t going to obstruct

business operations, how that
person is going to receive it at work.

And that is not going
to get a reaction that

is going to obstruct
business operations.

So I think he’s just trying to
get his two charges down to one.

But I think the second
charge is very, very

reasonable in this case,
often I think obstruction

of business is a catch
all to just arrest, but

it’s just a catch all to arrest anybody
for everything and is often abused.

But I think in this case,
it absolutely is justifiable.

How do they catch them?

And it’s not even ironic DNA analysis.

They have the DNA.

They analyze the DNA
and then they must have

had some of his other
DNA on record somehow

because they tracked
it back to him real quick.

He got arrested when
they searched his home.

They found two more envelopes at his home.

So I guess pre-prepared envelopes, which
means I don’t know how long those had been

stewing or fermenting in the
corner, which is also really, really bad.

The fact that this is
just stuff that’s laying

around your house,
apparently there have

been a dozen similar incidents
across different post offices.

They are trying to find
out if they are connected.

I’m pretty sure the
DNA is going to match up.

I don’t this.

I don’t think this takes a Sherlock
Holmes level of investigation.

I think I need a break.

I realized I was reading all
the symptoms of burnout.

I actually have all of
them, which is a bad thing.

How to make friends

I was trying to get
organized, I got, uh,

Dave has been very
problematic lately, so he’s

sitting here, um,
he’s quiet now, but I’m

expecting this to be a
problem sooner or later.

British fashion label, super dry.

And then, because I’ve been doing K-pop
bands with my daughter, uh, I keep going.

Super dry, super dry,
super dry, super dry,

super dry, which is not,
this long is super shy.

It’s about a girl who loves a boy,
it’s a pretty standard K-pop thing.

Uh, I am just getting over my sickness.

I am no longer down with the sickness,
or maybe I am down with the sickness.

I’m not down with the sickness.

I just gotta settle my mind.

That’s what’s happening.

At the beginning of the
show, I should do this

before the show starts,
but I don’t because

I start the show, and then I’m
like, “Well, let’s get into the mode.

” And the mode
should already be there.

British fashion label,
super dry, is sitting

Manchester City Soccer Club
because of a logo for a sponsor.

Now, they have their
logo, super dry, um,

and Manchester City
Soccer Club is sponsored

by a Japanese beer
called Assahiz super dry.

They are arguing that
the average consumer

could confuse the brands, and
this is copyright infringement.

The irony being, super dry,
the clothing label came second.

So Japanese beer brand, Assahiz super dry,
has been around for a very, very long time.

Super dry, the clothing brand, not as much.

Super dry, the clothing brand, because they
use a lot of Japanese style graphics, which

I’m pretty sure they’re stealing those,
they’re using bad Japanese on their shirts,

and their defense for that is that will
Japan use as bad English on their shirts.

So it’s clear that
super dry, the clothing

brand has lifted, borrowed,
been inspired a lot

by Japanese brands.

And if that is the case, that
means they’re in a Japanese culture.

If you’re in a Japanese
culture, Japanese

beer, Assahiz super dry is
probably the most famous beer.

So I think this might be a court
case that is actually in bad faith.

I think when Manchester
City got the sponsor

Assahiz super dry,
super dry, the clothing

brand went like, hey,
if we sue them, that’ll

get our name in the
news and people will

look at our clothes and will
basically be free advertising.

It won’t go anywhere.

I don’t think this is going anywhere
because I don’t think they have a case.

Is this a case of just getting in the news?

And here’s a second, interesting question.

If you sue someone,
and it’s relatively basis,

and the judgment comes
down that it’s baseless,

and then basically they
don’t have to pay you

anything, should there
be something, based

I’m saying, should there be some sort
of punishment for a frivolous lawsuit?

I don’t know this is frivolous,
but I get the odd feeling.

It is frivolous because
if I stole my entire

identity from another
culture and then that other

culture sponsor something, the thing
is the logos don’t even look similar.

As a he super dry, the logos
are not the same style of writing.

The shirts just say Assahiz
and then in quotes, they say dry.

So it doesn’t actually
say super dry in the shirts.

Now I tried to look up this year’s shirts,
and then when I looked up this news story

it had shirts in it, and none
of them actually said super dry.

So the logo
complained, the copyright

infringement they’re
talking about doesn’t seem

to exist because if the
shirts by Manchester

City don’t say super
dry, then how can that

be confused by the average consumer
for the super dry clothing brand?

It can’t, which is again
another reason why I

think this might be
just a frivolous lawsuit

to get super dry, which is a much smaller
brand than Assahiz super dry into the news.

And I like them less.

I mean I didn’t really care about
them before, but now I like them less.

So fuck you super dry, I bet
that really hurt their image.

Tiny podcast shouting
fuck you into the ether.

Go from super dry to
super dominator, that

is not actually a good
transition, but super

dominator is not the hero created by a 13
year old who’s got extra time in a class.

Super dominator is a citizens
arrest YouTuber in Japan.

I have noticed that
a lot of citizens arrest

YouTubers, YouTubers in Japan, they
use goofy superhero sounding names.

But super dominator clearly was going
for an image of being a big tough dude.

He clearly does some
jujitsu or something

because what he does,
his whole shtick on his

YouTube channel is he
hunts down people who are

taking up skirt photos or
lawyers or something like that.

And then he grabs them
and the video I saw he

wrestled the guy to the
ground and he’s trying

to make sure the guy
can’t delete his whatever

video he took on his
phone and he wrestles

the guy to the ground
and he holds him there

and then the police
show up and he turns

him over to the police and then they follow
the guy getting taken to the police and

then they take great joy in the fact
that they’ve made the world a better place.

Well, it turns out that
super dominator isn’t

as quite the hero as
he made himself out

to be if you can believe it,
which I absolutely can believe it.

I think all these like
citizens arrest YouTubers,

which was honestly not
a genre of entertainment

I had known about
before doing these stories.

It was a couple months ago we had the other
citizens arrest YouTuber who kept arresting

people who were innocent, which sort
of puts a bit of a damper on your career.

All of these guys are
turned out to not be the

noble heroes they’re
making themselves out to be.

They’re all lying and cheating.

This guy super dominator was no
better than any other rest of them.

So what he did is
he told his girlfriend

that he had adult onset stills disease,
which is a very rare inflammatory disease.

And he said he needed the 30
million yen to pay for the treatment.

I don’t know how much he
was making up his YouTube

channel, but it was a pretty
big channel when it was going.

His girlfriend gives
him 2.5 million yen, so

that’s like a half year salary
for the average Japanese person.

She gives him 2.5 million yen.

Then after a while she starts to get
suspicious because he has no symptoms.

If you have a rare inflammatory
disease, you have issues.

I get inflammation all the time.

I have to go get steroids for it.

It hurts.

You can tell when I’m not in good shape.

His girlfriend gets suspicious.

She calls the police.

I’m a police arrest him for fraud.

And when he’s being
questioned by the police,

he says I spent the
money on entertainment.

So it turns out that super
dominators, just a super piece of shit.

Johnny Somali.

Last week, I promised that because we were
doing an episode the day before his trial

ended, and the trial ended,
and we now have the results.

Now, we haven’t heard anything
from Johnny Somali himself.

I haven’t really looked out because I
don’t care about the guy very much.

He’s a nuisance streamer.

We go over his crimes against humanity.

He’s an asshole.

We’ve just got a whole
bucket of assholes today.

That seems to be what we’re dealing with.

That would be the
episode title, but I would

actually not fly well on some of the
channels where I post the podcast.

Johnny Somali, the
gentleman was handed down.

So this was for one of
the times he did his stream.

He went into a restaurant and then his chat
would do alerts or sounds or things like

that, and they would set off
his phone and say awful things.

That was primarily it.

It might be text to speech or whatever.

He claimed that because he
wasn’t setting it off himself,

that he was not responsible
for it, that was his defense.

Pretty weak defense because this was
all going through his phone that he owned.

He had set up to stream in whatever, so he
clearly had full control over the stream.

And primarily the most
important thing to me

is he had control over
the volume of his phone.

So even if he wanted
to keep his stream going,

which is still probably
illegal in Japan,

he could have turned it down so he wasn’t
harassing or bothering the other patrons.

That’s the main issue that was at hand.

The judge is like,
nah, you clearly could

have turned your
phone off you little prick.

So the judgment is to hit my
keyboard when I flicked my notes.

The judgment is 200,000 yen,
so that’s not very much money.

It’s like $1,000.

When he left, he claimed he
would not make videos in the future.

So I’ve seen a lot of people go off
on this, like, $2,000 bucks is nothing.

He probably made more
than $1,000 on that stream.

The case against him for
trespassing was dropped.

They should have taken all the filmed
evidence and thrown them together.

They didn’t have to.

Now this is the bit.

Japanese courts are weirdly not punitive.

So when people sue
each other and stuff, you

get the money, but you
don’t get like millions of dollars.

So in America when you win a lawsuit,
you get millions of millions of dollars.

In Japan, when you
want win a lawsuit, you

get probably the money you
would have lost in nothing extra.

So like the emotional pain you feel
does not get compensated in Japan.

I sometimes agree with it sometimes.

I don’t.

It depends on the case.

That’s always the
problem because it is case

by case, but Japan
airs on the side of courts

should not be used to
be punitive in a weird way.

So what’s going to happen
now is actually the issue.

So a lot of people are like,
well, they should have taken

all those cases and thrown
them in prison and stuff.

Japan doesn’t want to pay for this guy
to be in prison because it costs money.

So why would we take
the responsibility on is

the way the Japanese
government is thinking about it?

He needs to be convicted of one crime.

That’s it.

And the smallest crime
they can convict him

on is enough for the
domino effect of results.

The domino effect of results
are that he is committed

to crime in Japan, which
means he will now be deported.

Now his visa had already
expired, but because

he was being held
by the police, they’re

not going to punish him for overstaying his
visa, which was one of the things that was

kind of, so since he’s
committed a crime in

Japan, they’re going to
essentially deport him.

Probably have to pay for it himself.

But if not, they’ll just set him on
an airplane and don’t worry about it.

And then he will be tagged
as unable to reenter Japan.

So you know when you
fly into another country,

if you’ve ever done that before,
there’s a little immigration thing.

And on the immigration thing, there’s a
little box and you have to tick that box.

If you’ve ever been
convicted of a crime,

Johnny Somali now has to check that
box, which means he will hit immigration.

Let’s say he somehow
gets on an airplane

that goes to Japan and
no one realizes who he

is, he gets to Japan
and he clicks that box.

That means in
immigration, they’re going to

be like, hey, you’ve
committed a crime, give

us the details, the details where I
was convicted for public harassment.

He was actually convicted
of, last week I was

saying we didn’t have
enough of these, obstruction

of business, obstruction
of business is bad, baby.

He was convicted of obstruction of
business for being a public nuisance.

That means he’s going to be denied entry.

He probably being
Johnny Somali would be

like, ha ha, I’ll be really smart
and I won’t take that box.

That is a crime in itself.

And there’s no, there’s no way around it.

Like as soon as they
find him, they’ll be

like, hey, you immigrated, you
filled out this form incorrectly.

That is a much, much more serious crime.

Like that’s like a no
fly list, you’re going

to get your passport
taken away kind of crime,

which means he wouldn’t be
able to go to any other country.

This is a guy whose
deal is going to another

country and harassing
the locals and he picks

Japan because he
thought Japan was safe in

Japan is safe because
this punishment is quite

minor, but the gap
Japanese government in the

Japanese judicial system is just like, well,
we’re going to take that away from you.

And as far as they’re concerned,
they’re like, now you can’t do that.

That’s enough.

Go to another country,
try again, but other

countries are going to
be way more punitive.

So in a way, if he’s
smart, he will have

learned his lesson, but the first part
of that sentence was if he’s smart.

And the one thing the man has clearly
demonstrated is he’s not very smart.

He is not learned his lesson.

He’s not going to learn less.

He’s going to try to find another
way to come back to Japan.

That now should he enter reenter Japan
probably will end up being a crime in itself.

If he goes to another country, he’s
going to fuck around and find out.

I’m pretty sure other
countries are going

to be far, far worse for his
well-being than Japan was.

So I think for the
moment the saga of Johnny

Somali has ended in Japan, it
might pick up somewhere else.

If I do hear about him
somewhere else, I will

mention him, but it’s not
Japanese relevant news anymore.

So it doesn’t really
belong in the engineers,

Japan, but at the same time,
he made his name in Japan.

So he’s Japan famous.

The real question though,
is this just where his career

ends, which I actually
would put money on yes, it is.

But then again, he’s so dumb.

He’s in that category of people too
dumb to give up when they’re ahead.

I don’t make friends easily,
I just put myself out there.

Let’s open my heart.

Let’s take the little
case, the little box

off my heart and just expose
it to the world for a moment.

I don’t make friends
quickly or easily.

I can be quite off-putting, I
can be sarcastic, I have a wall up.

I think a lot of us do, I think a lot of
us, we don’t get close and we don’t share.

The true selves, our
true selves, our intimate

selves with each other and that’s
why it’s really hard to make friends.

So we don’t know how to make friends.

Maybe that’s the issues.

Again, I need to be a manly man.

I grew up in a very toxic
masculinity background.

So then I was like, okay,
well, how do you make friends?

I went on Wikihao, I wasn’t very helpful.

So what I’ve learned from a
story this week is what you do.

You put on your best
black stockings and you

go to the convenience
store in about four

or thirty in the morning
and then you walk

around for a bit and
you check out the clerk

and you go, the clerk seems like a guy.

He seems like he and I could be friends.

That seems like a pretty good deal.

Let’s do that.

Then you turn yourself so that your butt
is aiming generally in the direction of the

clerk and you bend over, you bend over and
then you start wiggling your hips and after

you wiggle your hips, it becomes sort of
revealed that there is a slit up the middle

of your stockings and
everyone being the single

clerk in the convenience
store at four thirty

in the morning can see
your butt and then the

clerk calls the police
and you get arrested.

It turns out when this
man was arrested, he said

to the police, this is
exactly what happened.

A guy put on stockings,
goes to the convenience

store at four thirty in the morning,
walks around the store for a bit.

The clerk is stuck at the front
where the register is at the counter.

He stands in front of
the counter, bends over

and starts wiggling
his butt and then a slit,

I assume was pre-cut or it was that
tight and his butt was just that powerful.

The slit started to
reveal his butt, he calls

the police, guy gets
arrested and he says

to the police, I thought we could
become friends by showing my butt.

So I gave it a shot and maybe I see I think
that last line is actually that last part.

The second part, that’s
the part we don’t do,

give it a shot, but also
maybe your instincts

are all wrong and you’re
a bad person and you

should not be showing
your butt to anybody.

This is a secondary part.

Some poor animator had to do this.

On the news report,
they decided to animate

this whole thing, like the
description wasn’t enough.

So I’m going to throw
this up in the background

of the, when I talk about it, but for
people on YouTube, you want a full version.

So here’s the guy
walking against four thirty

in the morning, this is the computer
generated convenience store.

He says he’s wearing
black stockings, he walks

to the front, he’s like,
hey, what’s this over here?

I’m going to take a look and
then zoom in, the poor register

guy, he’s like, I got damn,
look at that guy’s butt.

It’s 24 years old, does
not want to be here,

this won’t this be his life and then the
guy starts moving his butt back and forth.

Someone had to animate his butt moving
back and forth is one of my favorite things

in all over the world
and of course they can’t

show the slit of the butt so
you can actually see his butt.

I’ll tell you, not a
lot of things in life

make me happy, but that
made me pretty happy.

So let’s get on to our
last story, I just wanted

everyone to join that
and it’s full version,

I’m going to put it up here in the corner
for everyone else, but that gave me a great

deal of satisfaction.

I suppose our previous guy could have been
our gross guy, he was 48, so he doesn’t fit

my rule of like 50 plus year old
men being gross and disgusting.

But what we do have
is a very interesting

final story of a 62 year
old man in the Goya.

He was arrested for
obstruction of business,

obstruction of business
goes away, but when

it comes back, it comes
back strongly, two or three.

The day is basically just all crimes, it’s
just all crimes, there’s no other stories.

He decided it would be appropriate.

One of the things you
hear about Japanese is

that people politely
fall the rules and that’s

a good thing, following
the rules is good.

This guy calls the police and he says the
police, you know what, be okay if I killed

my wife and then they don’t
give the rest of the conversation.

I want to know if the
police tried to talk them

down or what happened,
but the police clearly

figured out where he lived, probably
they just back traced his phone call.

The police knew where he was, so the police
show up at his house and they’re like,

“Hey, remember that phone call
when you say you’re gonna kill your wife?

We’re here to make sure you don’t do that?”

So the guy’s like, “What’s
the most reasonable

response I could have
to the police showing

up in my house
telling me not to kill my

wife when I just called them and asked
if it was acceptable if I kill my wife?”

That would be, of course,
to brandish a knife at them.

He was arrested, turns
out, you’ll never guess.

He had been drinking.

60-year-old man was
drunk, I don’t know,

probably he’s got a
frustrated with his wife

and sarcastically called
the police and asked

if he could kill her
or something, but then

when they showed up, he
was like, “Actually angry.

” When he got arrested,
he said, “I got irritated,

so I brandished a
knife at the police.

” So what we’re seeing
is a lot of bad decisions.

We got Johnny Somali, all pushing his
limits until he gets arrested and deported.

We got Black stalking man who
doesn’t know how to make friends.

We have this guy who
clearly does not make

good decisions when he drinks,
and with that, I say to you, “Good day.

” Is that how I should
end the podcast?

I was actually thinking, usually I
just end off with a sarcastic thing.

I’m not going to
say, “Don’t drink.

” I’m a bit stuck
on an ending there.

Anyways, the police are
not, don’t tell on yourself.

The police, you call the police
and say, “I want to kill my wife.

” I was hoping I had
a quip or something.

I don’t have anything.

It’s just dumb.

I think this is what we’ve hit a level
of dumb, or I can’t even make fun of it.

It’s punching down so
far, I can’t reach that low.

If you call the police and ask them if it’s
acceptable to kill your wife, they’re not

going to say, “Yes,” and they’re
going to show up and arrest you.

Don’t do that.

If you want to make friends, don’t cut
a slit in your pants and show your butt.

That’s not how you make friends.

If you want to do live
streaming, don’t harass

people so much that
you get arrested and

deported and now it can’t
come back to the country.

I kind of shied away
from giving criminal

advice for a while,
but I think that was it.

I just gave a little
summary of criminal advice.

It’s kind of come back on its own.

The other thing, though,
talking about re-entry

to Japan, Paris
Hilton, because she was

convicted and went to jail, she
came to Japan on her private jet.

Obviously, she did not know the rules.

Rich people don’t check things.

She was like, “Yeah, I’m here
to promote my new perfume.

” This is back when
she was famous.

The Japanese Customs
Immigration Office was

like, “No, get on your
plane and go back because

you’ve committed crimes
and we don’t want you here.

” The other thing I found
out was Robert Downey

Jr., because he has drug
charges and stuff in the past.

They won’t let him in the country.

He, when he was
promoting Iron Man, basically

had to have a
babysitter the whole time.

He came to immigration and
immigration was really shitty to him.

He tells stories about
it, which is pretty

interesting to read
about because he’s looking

down on them, but I’m like, “In a
weird way, you’re the criminal here.

You’re the one who’s committed
crimes and trying to come to this

country, but Marvel at the
time wants to promote this movie.

They got a lot of money.

” They’re basically paying
the Japanese government.

I think it was an incredibly
limited one or two days.

He had to leave the
country by that time where

he would just be immediately
arrested and deported.

He had to have a babysitter
with him the whole time.

Japanese immigration does not fuck around.

Fraudception

After a month long break because of corona and life. Ninja News Japan is back with more rambly news – from Japan.

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