How to make friends

I was trying to get
organized, I got, uh,

Dave has been very
problematic lately, so he’s

sitting here, um,
he’s quiet now, but I’m

expecting this to be a
problem sooner or later.

British fashion label, super dry.

And then, because I’ve been doing K-pop
bands with my daughter, uh, I keep going.

Super dry, super dry,
super dry, super dry,

super dry, which is not,
this long is super shy.

It’s about a girl who loves a boy,
it’s a pretty standard K-pop thing.

Uh, I am just getting over my sickness.

I am no longer down with the sickness,
or maybe I am down with the sickness.

I’m not down with the sickness.

I just gotta settle my mind.

That’s what’s happening.

At the beginning of the
show, I should do this

before the show starts,
but I don’t because

I start the show, and then I’m
like, “Well, let’s get into the mode.

” And the mode
should already be there.

British fashion label,
super dry, is sitting

Manchester City Soccer Club
because of a logo for a sponsor.

Now, they have their
logo, super dry, um,

and Manchester City
Soccer Club is sponsored

by a Japanese beer
called Assahiz super dry.

They are arguing that
the average consumer

could confuse the brands, and
this is copyright infringement.

The irony being, super dry,
the clothing label came second.

So Japanese beer brand, Assahiz super dry,
has been around for a very, very long time.

Super dry, the clothing brand, not as much.

Super dry, the clothing brand, because they
use a lot of Japanese style graphics, which

I’m pretty sure they’re stealing those,
they’re using bad Japanese on their shirts,

and their defense for that is that will
Japan use as bad English on their shirts.

So it’s clear that
super dry, the clothing

brand has lifted, borrowed,
been inspired a lot

by Japanese brands.

And if that is the case, that
means they’re in a Japanese culture.

If you’re in a Japanese
culture, Japanese

beer, Assahiz super dry is
probably the most famous beer.

So I think this might be a court
case that is actually in bad faith.

I think when Manchester
City got the sponsor

Assahiz super dry,
super dry, the clothing

brand went like, hey,
if we sue them, that’ll

get our name in the
news and people will

look at our clothes and will
basically be free advertising.

It won’t go anywhere.

I don’t think this is going anywhere
because I don’t think they have a case.

Is this a case of just getting in the news?

And here’s a second, interesting question.

If you sue someone,
and it’s relatively basis,

and the judgment comes
down that it’s baseless,

and then basically they
don’t have to pay you

anything, should there
be something, based

I’m saying, should there be some sort
of punishment for a frivolous lawsuit?

I don’t know this is frivolous,
but I get the odd feeling.

It is frivolous because
if I stole my entire

identity from another
culture and then that other

culture sponsor something, the thing
is the logos don’t even look similar.

As a he super dry, the logos
are not the same style of writing.

The shirts just say Assahiz
and then in quotes, they say dry.

So it doesn’t actually
say super dry in the shirts.

Now I tried to look up this year’s shirts,
and then when I looked up this news story

it had shirts in it, and none
of them actually said super dry.

So the logo
complained, the copyright

infringement they’re
talking about doesn’t seem

to exist because if the
shirts by Manchester

City don’t say super
dry, then how can that

be confused by the average consumer
for the super dry clothing brand?

It can’t, which is again
another reason why I

think this might be
just a frivolous lawsuit

to get super dry, which is a much smaller
brand than Assahiz super dry into the news.

And I like them less.

I mean I didn’t really care about
them before, but now I like them less.

So fuck you super dry, I bet
that really hurt their image.

Tiny podcast shouting
fuck you into the ether.

Go from super dry to
super dominator, that

is not actually a good
transition, but super

dominator is not the hero created by a 13
year old who’s got extra time in a class.

Super dominator is a citizens
arrest YouTuber in Japan.

I have noticed that
a lot of citizens arrest

YouTubers, YouTubers in Japan, they
use goofy superhero sounding names.

But super dominator clearly was going
for an image of being a big tough dude.

He clearly does some
jujitsu or something

because what he does,
his whole shtick on his

YouTube channel is he
hunts down people who are

taking up skirt photos or
lawyers or something like that.

And then he grabs them
and the video I saw he

wrestled the guy to the
ground and he’s trying

to make sure the guy
can’t delete his whatever

video he took on his
phone and he wrestles

the guy to the ground
and he holds him there

and then the police
show up and he turns

him over to the police and then they follow
the guy getting taken to the police and

then they take great joy in the fact
that they’ve made the world a better place.

Well, it turns out that
super dominator isn’t

as quite the hero as
he made himself out

to be if you can believe it,
which I absolutely can believe it.

I think all these like
citizens arrest YouTubers,

which was honestly not
a genre of entertainment

I had known about
before doing these stories.

It was a couple months ago we had the other
citizens arrest YouTuber who kept arresting

people who were innocent, which sort
of puts a bit of a damper on your career.

All of these guys are
turned out to not be the

noble heroes they’re
making themselves out to be.

They’re all lying and cheating.

This guy super dominator was no
better than any other rest of them.

So what he did is
he told his girlfriend

that he had adult onset stills disease,
which is a very rare inflammatory disease.

And he said he needed the 30
million yen to pay for the treatment.

I don’t know how much he
was making up his YouTube

channel, but it was a pretty
big channel when it was going.

His girlfriend gives
him 2.5 million yen, so

that’s like a half year salary
for the average Japanese person.

She gives him 2.5 million yen.

Then after a while she starts to get
suspicious because he has no symptoms.

If you have a rare inflammatory
disease, you have issues.

I get inflammation all the time.

I have to go get steroids for it.

It hurts.

You can tell when I’m not in good shape.

His girlfriend gets suspicious.

She calls the police.

I’m a police arrest him for fraud.

And when he’s being
questioned by the police,

he says I spent the
money on entertainment.

So it turns out that super
dominators, just a super piece of shit.

Johnny Somali.

Last week, I promised that because we were
doing an episode the day before his trial

ended, and the trial ended,
and we now have the results.

Now, we haven’t heard anything
from Johnny Somali himself.

I haven’t really looked out because I
don’t care about the guy very much.

He’s a nuisance streamer.

We go over his crimes against humanity.

He’s an asshole.

We’ve just got a whole
bucket of assholes today.

That seems to be what we’re dealing with.

That would be the
episode title, but I would

actually not fly well on some of the
channels where I post the podcast.

Johnny Somali, the
gentleman was handed down.

So this was for one of
the times he did his stream.

He went into a restaurant and then his chat
would do alerts or sounds or things like

that, and they would set off
his phone and say awful things.

That was primarily it.

It might be text to speech or whatever.

He claimed that because he
wasn’t setting it off himself,

that he was not responsible
for it, that was his defense.

Pretty weak defense because this was
all going through his phone that he owned.

He had set up to stream in whatever, so he
clearly had full control over the stream.

And primarily the most
important thing to me

is he had control over
the volume of his phone.

So even if he wanted
to keep his stream going,

which is still probably
illegal in Japan,

he could have turned it down so he wasn’t
harassing or bothering the other patrons.

That’s the main issue that was at hand.

The judge is like,
nah, you clearly could

have turned your
phone off you little prick.

So the judgment is to hit my
keyboard when I flicked my notes.

The judgment is 200,000 yen,
so that’s not very much money.

It’s like $1,000.

When he left, he claimed he
would not make videos in the future.

So I’ve seen a lot of people go off
on this, like, $2,000 bucks is nothing.

He probably made more
than $1,000 on that stream.

The case against him for
trespassing was dropped.

They should have taken all the filmed
evidence and thrown them together.

They didn’t have to.

Now this is the bit.

Japanese courts are weirdly not punitive.

So when people sue
each other and stuff, you

get the money, but you
don’t get like millions of dollars.

So in America when you win a lawsuit,
you get millions of millions of dollars.

In Japan, when you
want win a lawsuit, you

get probably the money you
would have lost in nothing extra.

So like the emotional pain you feel
does not get compensated in Japan.

I sometimes agree with it sometimes.

I don’t.

It depends on the case.

That’s always the
problem because it is case

by case, but Japan
airs on the side of courts

should not be used to
be punitive in a weird way.

So what’s going to happen
now is actually the issue.

So a lot of people are like,
well, they should have taken

all those cases and thrown
them in prison and stuff.

Japan doesn’t want to pay for this guy
to be in prison because it costs money.

So why would we take
the responsibility on is

the way the Japanese
government is thinking about it?

He needs to be convicted of one crime.

That’s it.

And the smallest crime
they can convict him

on is enough for the
domino effect of results.

The domino effect of results
are that he is committed

to crime in Japan, which
means he will now be deported.

Now his visa had already
expired, but because

he was being held
by the police, they’re

not going to punish him for overstaying his
visa, which was one of the things that was

kind of, so since he’s
committed a crime in

Japan, they’re going to
essentially deport him.

Probably have to pay for it himself.

But if not, they’ll just set him on
an airplane and don’t worry about it.

And then he will be tagged
as unable to reenter Japan.

So you know when you
fly into another country,

if you’ve ever done that before,
there’s a little immigration thing.

And on the immigration thing, there’s a
little box and you have to tick that box.

If you’ve ever been
convicted of a crime,

Johnny Somali now has to check that
box, which means he will hit immigration.

Let’s say he somehow
gets on an airplane

that goes to Japan and
no one realizes who he

is, he gets to Japan
and he clicks that box.

That means in
immigration, they’re going to

be like, hey, you’ve
committed a crime, give

us the details, the details where I
was convicted for public harassment.

He was actually convicted
of, last week I was

saying we didn’t have
enough of these, obstruction

of business, obstruction
of business is bad, baby.

He was convicted of obstruction of
business for being a public nuisance.

That means he’s going to be denied entry.

He probably being
Johnny Somali would be

like, ha ha, I’ll be really smart
and I won’t take that box.

That is a crime in itself.

And there’s no, there’s no way around it.

Like as soon as they
find him, they’ll be

like, hey, you immigrated, you
filled out this form incorrectly.

That is a much, much more serious crime.

Like that’s like a no
fly list, you’re going

to get your passport
taken away kind of crime,

which means he wouldn’t be
able to go to any other country.

This is a guy whose
deal is going to another

country and harassing
the locals and he picks

Japan because he
thought Japan was safe in

Japan is safe because
this punishment is quite

minor, but the gap
Japanese government in the

Japanese judicial system is just like, well,
we’re going to take that away from you.

And as far as they’re concerned,
they’re like, now you can’t do that.

That’s enough.

Go to another country,
try again, but other

countries are going to
be way more punitive.

So in a way, if he’s
smart, he will have

learned his lesson, but the first part
of that sentence was if he’s smart.

And the one thing the man has clearly
demonstrated is he’s not very smart.

He is not learned his lesson.

He’s not going to learn less.

He’s going to try to find another
way to come back to Japan.

That now should he enter reenter Japan
probably will end up being a crime in itself.

If he goes to another country, he’s
going to fuck around and find out.

I’m pretty sure other
countries are going

to be far, far worse for his
well-being than Japan was.

So I think for the
moment the saga of Johnny

Somali has ended in Japan, it
might pick up somewhere else.

If I do hear about him
somewhere else, I will

mention him, but it’s not
Japanese relevant news anymore.

So it doesn’t really
belong in the engineers,

Japan, but at the same time,
he made his name in Japan.

So he’s Japan famous.

The real question though,
is this just where his career

ends, which I actually
would put money on yes, it is.

But then again, he’s so dumb.

He’s in that category of people too
dumb to give up when they’re ahead.

I don’t make friends easily,
I just put myself out there.

Let’s open my heart.

Let’s take the little
case, the little box

off my heart and just expose
it to the world for a moment.

I don’t make friends
quickly or easily.

I can be quite off-putting, I
can be sarcastic, I have a wall up.

I think a lot of us do, I think a lot of
us, we don’t get close and we don’t share.

The true selves, our
true selves, our intimate

selves with each other and that’s
why it’s really hard to make friends.

So we don’t know how to make friends.

Maybe that’s the issues.

Again, I need to be a manly man.

I grew up in a very toxic
masculinity background.

So then I was like, okay,
well, how do you make friends?

I went on Wikihao, I wasn’t very helpful.

So what I’ve learned from a
story this week is what you do.

You put on your best
black stockings and you

go to the convenience
store in about four

or thirty in the morning
and then you walk

around for a bit and
you check out the clerk

and you go, the clerk seems like a guy.

He seems like he and I could be friends.

That seems like a pretty good deal.

Let’s do that.

Then you turn yourself so that your butt
is aiming generally in the direction of the

clerk and you bend over, you bend over and
then you start wiggling your hips and after

you wiggle your hips, it becomes sort of
revealed that there is a slit up the middle

of your stockings and
everyone being the single

clerk in the convenience
store at four thirty

in the morning can see
your butt and then the

clerk calls the police
and you get arrested.

It turns out when this
man was arrested, he said

to the police, this is
exactly what happened.

A guy put on stockings,
goes to the convenience

store at four thirty in the morning,
walks around the store for a bit.

The clerk is stuck at the front
where the register is at the counter.

He stands in front of
the counter, bends over

and starts wiggling
his butt and then a slit,

I assume was pre-cut or it was that
tight and his butt was just that powerful.

The slit started to
reveal his butt, he calls

the police, guy gets
arrested and he says

to the police, I thought we could
become friends by showing my butt.

So I gave it a shot and maybe I see I think
that last line is actually that last part.

The second part, that’s
the part we don’t do,

give it a shot, but also
maybe your instincts

are all wrong and you’re
a bad person and you

should not be showing
your butt to anybody.

This is a secondary part.

Some poor animator had to do this.

On the news report,
they decided to animate

this whole thing, like the
description wasn’t enough.

So I’m going to throw
this up in the background

of the, when I talk about it, but for
people on YouTube, you want a full version.

So here’s the guy
walking against four thirty

in the morning, this is the computer
generated convenience store.

He says he’s wearing
black stockings, he walks

to the front, he’s like,
hey, what’s this over here?

I’m going to take a look and
then zoom in, the poor register

guy, he’s like, I got damn,
look at that guy’s butt.

It’s 24 years old, does
not want to be here,

this won’t this be his life and then the
guy starts moving his butt back and forth.

Someone had to animate his butt moving
back and forth is one of my favorite things

in all over the world
and of course they can’t

show the slit of the butt so
you can actually see his butt.

I’ll tell you, not a
lot of things in life

make me happy, but that
made me pretty happy.

So let’s get on to our
last story, I just wanted

everyone to join that
and it’s full version,

I’m going to put it up here in the corner
for everyone else, but that gave me a great

deal of satisfaction.

I suppose our previous guy could have been
our gross guy, he was 48, so he doesn’t fit

my rule of like 50 plus year old
men being gross and disgusting.

But what we do have
is a very interesting

final story of a 62 year
old man in the Goya.

He was arrested for
obstruction of business,

obstruction of business
goes away, but when

it comes back, it comes
back strongly, two or three.

The day is basically just all crimes, it’s
just all crimes, there’s no other stories.

He decided it would be appropriate.

One of the things you
hear about Japanese is

that people politely
fall the rules and that’s

a good thing, following
the rules is good.

This guy calls the police and he says the
police, you know what, be okay if I killed

my wife and then they don’t
give the rest of the conversation.

I want to know if the
police tried to talk them

down or what happened,
but the police clearly

figured out where he lived, probably
they just back traced his phone call.

The police knew where he was, so the police
show up at his house and they’re like,

“Hey, remember that phone call
when you say you’re gonna kill your wife?

We’re here to make sure you don’t do that?”

So the guy’s like, “What’s
the most reasonable

response I could have
to the police showing

up in my house
telling me not to kill my

wife when I just called them and asked
if it was acceptable if I kill my wife?”

That would be, of course,
to brandish a knife at them.

He was arrested, turns
out, you’ll never guess.

He had been drinking.

60-year-old man was
drunk, I don’t know,

probably he’s got a
frustrated with his wife

and sarcastically called
the police and asked

if he could kill her
or something, but then

when they showed up, he
was like, “Actually angry.

” When he got arrested,
he said, “I got irritated,

so I brandished a
knife at the police.

” So what we’re seeing
is a lot of bad decisions.

We got Johnny Somali, all pushing his
limits until he gets arrested and deported.

We got Black stalking man who
doesn’t know how to make friends.

We have this guy who
clearly does not make

good decisions when he drinks,
and with that, I say to you, “Good day.

” Is that how I should
end the podcast?

I was actually thinking, usually I
just end off with a sarcastic thing.

I’m not going to
say, “Don’t drink.

” I’m a bit stuck
on an ending there.

Anyways, the police are
not, don’t tell on yourself.

The police, you call the police
and say, “I want to kill my wife.

” I was hoping I had
a quip or something.

I don’t have anything.

It’s just dumb.

I think this is what we’ve hit a level
of dumb, or I can’t even make fun of it.

It’s punching down so
far, I can’t reach that low.

If you call the police and ask them if it’s
acceptable to kill your wife, they’re not

going to say, “Yes,” and they’re
going to show up and arrest you.

Don’t do that.

If you want to make friends, don’t cut
a slit in your pants and show your butt.

That’s not how you make friends.

If you want to do live
streaming, don’t harass

people so much that
you get arrested and

deported and now it can’t
come back to the country.

I kind of shied away
from giving criminal

advice for a while,
but I think that was it.

I just gave a little
summary of criminal advice.

It’s kind of come back on its own.

The other thing, though,
talking about re-entry

to Japan, Paris
Hilton, because she was

convicted and went to jail, she
came to Japan on her private jet.

Obviously, she did not know the rules.

Rich people don’t check things.

She was like, “Yeah, I’m here
to promote my new perfume.

” This is back when
she was famous.

The Japanese Customs
Immigration Office was

like, “No, get on your
plane and go back because

you’ve committed crimes
and we don’t want you here.

” The other thing I found
out was Robert Downey

Jr., because he has drug
charges and stuff in the past.

They won’t let him in the country.

He, when he was
promoting Iron Man, basically

had to have a
babysitter the whole time.

He came to immigration and
immigration was really shitty to him.

He tells stories about
it, which is pretty

interesting to read
about because he’s looking

down on them, but I’m like, “In a
weird way, you’re the criminal here.

You’re the one who’s committed
crimes and trying to come to this

country, but Marvel at the
time wants to promote this movie.

They got a lot of money.

” They’re basically paying
the Japanese government.

I think it was an incredibly
limited one or two days.

He had to leave the
country by that time where

he would just be immediately
arrested and deported.

He had to have a babysitter
with him the whole time.

Japanese immigration does not fuck around.