Category: Podcast

 It's a rainy day in Japan. I'm sitting at home in December. I'm thinking of writing a country song. It's hard to put Japan into country songs. As soon as I just start doing that, I'm like, ah, it's not really going to work out. But I could do like a soulful. Okay, I am very distracted by the fact that I heard a new... The disorganized nature of my thought pattern at the moment is being demonstrated through the word salad that is not being completed. I'm not able to finish any sentences. I listened to a two-hour podcast, Behind the Bastards, and I listened to the one on Steven Scal. 

It was actually two parts, but I listened to two hours. And there was no really new information in there. It's all stuff I'd heard before. Reaffirming my belief that Steven Scal is a piece of shit garbage human being. Fine. But there was a reggae style song. So he has a music career on the side and it's supposed to be blues, but then there's this song where it's like a reggae song. I found that to be a lot and it's kind of overwhelmed my brain. Well, actually... Yes, it's called Strut. This is featuring Lady Saut. Now you're really like, hey Peter, I came here for the Japanese news. I didn't come here to hear about your stupid Steven Scal and how much you hate him and his terrible music. I understand that. But at the same time, fuck you. You got to listen to the awful things I have to listen to. This is the only way I'm going to be able to flush this out of my head. So we're going to have to listen to some of it. All right. That's all I really wanted to get out there is that Steven Scal, it's a calling response between him and what's her name? Lady Saut a little bit. And she's like, what do you want, sir? Steven Scal. 

And he says, I want the punani. And that was it. That was enough for me. Like my brain has not worked properly since I've heard Steven Scal say I want the punani. So now I've put that out in the world. Hopefully that'll sort of like flush it out a bit. You can suffer along with me having heard Steven Scal say. I think he even says me want the punani because, of course, he has to affect do a sort of he has to do an affectation for every sort of sentence he ever says. We have some updates. Let's actually start the show. Yeah, I can't. I think we need to use Japan and this week seem to be it might just be me talking about Steven Scal saying I want the meet me want the punani. Over and over again until I just exhaust myself, I should start drinking now. It's 10 o'clock in the morning. There wasn't enough. OK, you've come here for the show. I'm here for the show. We're all here for the show. We want some updates on previous stories. I really hate you've come at the wrong time. My brain. Oh, no, we're going to do it again. Jane came. So we're going to play the Steven Scal thing. I actually put it. You don't need to see the picture. You just need to see my dumb face. I have been going for four minutes and this is supposed to be recording my show and I can't do it. I can't do it because of a Steven Scal song. Let's do it. Let's listen to that part again. He says me want the punani. Steven Scal at that time probably 60 year old gross man. He says me want the punani. He's a white guy. He's disgusting. 

He's a sexual predator. He's multiple sexual assault cases. He's a serial liar. And yet weirdly the most offensive thing about him is him saying I can sing. I don't know. This is everything. Every aspect of him. I got to cut all this out and start again. Me want the punani. I should make that my transition sound from now on. That's it. So instead of doing the. Where is it? OK, let me get the transition sound. Instead of that, it should just be this. Oh, I think my clapping my hand woke up Dave a bit. I'm sorry. Sorry, buddy. I'll settle down. I got to settle down for Dave's sake. That's the important part. Me want the punani. So I'll do like a dead serious Japanese news story, which I actually never do because I'm always here to make fun of it. I'll do a news story from Japan and then me want the punani and then change on to the next topic. I might do that for the rest of this episode. It wouldn't stick. It's only funny ones or it could be funny. And it gets like so it's not funny, but then because it happens so much, it gets funny again. Those actually are all pretty good, but it's pretty painful. All right. No, I'm going to do some ninja news, Japan. Otherwise, I'm not going to get an episode done today.

 I was thinking of doing some lunchtime drinking this. This song is ruined my brain. Ninja News, Japan fans. I want to apologize and just let you all know. I'm going to make a sound board that says me want the punani. Steven Seagal sucks on so many levels. Like, like there is no metric by which you measure another human being where he is not a total piece of shit. Lady saw the female voice in that I actually bet is very talented. And the reason she's in there. The reason she's in there is because Steven Seagal paid her a ton of money. May says she hates the punani. How can you hate the punani? Because we all know that deep down inside. I mean, that's that's it. I got to actually make the sound board so that I can I can actually just hit the me want the punani. Let's listen to a little more. We didn't actually get into that's only the intro. My my my podcast, Ninja News Japan, usually 20 to 30 minutes. I've done seven minutes now. Never having said a word yet. When the when the girls start to strut, you can look at their butt. But you shouldn't do that. So here's just throwing in a little bit of morality, despite the fact that he's just said me want the punani. Look, I don't know where my head's at. And that's that's maybe the core issue that we're dealing with here. If I can just comment on Jade's last comment, we we all love the punani. I mean, that's just that's just factual. 

Everyone when it comes to punani loving, it's like KFC. It's finger licking good. Was that gross? I'm 50. I shouldn't be saying shit like that anymore. I should be a more mature adult. But I don't one of the the fallacies of growing up and getting old. So like now I am certainly old. I'm past growing up. I'm now old. I have yet to feel like I've grown up yet. I'm going to do an Indian News Japan episode. I'm a little down about it. Steal myself. Intro song once again, let's get to start from the beginning. Let's actually do it. All right. I'm going to start from the beginning and start the whole thing again. Updates to previous stories that do not have anything to do with punani. Or Steven Seagal. We there was a story about. A group of men, gentlemen who belong to a crime group. They weren't mafia. They weren't Yakuza. This is a new form of group. They were more of a gang, organized gang. It was really interesting because they were actually orphans from Korea and China. Not them. This would be like second generation. But their parents and stuff were orphans and stuff. And they were left in this dire situation. And they had kids in Japan and they turned to crime. And they ended up organizing. So it's Yakuza is always like a family thing. This is a mishmash group of people who have come together because of dire circumstances. Actually, it would make a really good movie. I'm not kidding. They had a celebration. One of their members, senior member, had gotten out of jail. And there was like 30, 40 guys. 

They had taken out this whole restaurant at the top of this very high skyscraper. So you know that's an expensive fancy restaurant. They booked the whole place to have this party. Brawl breaks out. And they start smashing the place up and fighting. No one gets killed. I mean people get beat up but that's a fight. Five people recently were arrested. The problem I see, they were arrested for obstruction of business. Very standard Ninja News Japan end of a story. Because that is the catch all law in Japan. Obstruction of business. The problem I see is that they were, the brawl broke out at the celebration of someone getting out of prison. They've made five arrests. They're going to have to have five more parties. Which means five more celebrations of people getting out of prison. Which has exponentially increased the likelihood that there's going to be a brawl at a restaurant. Where they're having another party welcoming someone out of prison. Five more arrests. It just goes on forever. Last week we did a story about a multi-level marketing, a pyramid scheme. 

And it was a guy selling eggs. And he was saying that his eggs were special and nutritious. Vaguely implying that they were like super-powered eggs. Total bullshit. He sold you these eggs 150 yen per egg. And that's, an egg in Japan, as I said, is like 10 to 15 yen. So he's doing a hundred times markup. So all these eggs, he was making tons of money, got shut down, he was arrested. Great. This week though, egg prices in Tokyo have gone up. The feed cost, the war in Ukraine, and a bird flu outbreak has increased the price of eggs by 26.5%. So maybe I was wrong. Maybe the multi-level marketing scheme was actually a good deal. And you should have got your eggs on the ground floor. Because the price of eggs going up means that might just be our new currency. Forget cryptocurrency. Forget fiat currency. Eggs. You know in video games they always have, Fallout was bottle caps. Became the new currency. Maybe this guy saw it coming. He saw that eggs were going to be the fundamental core basis of currency in the future. And he was actually a visionary. And we, who just want the punani, we don't see the future because we're so fixated on the punani. And so that's why he has clarity of vision and we don't. 

The reason this is important is eggs are usually a standard price. So fluctuations in price for many things. There's enough buffer around eggs and enough ability to plan around eggs that the price of eggs has remained relatively constant. So the fact that the price of eggs went up suddenly is really shocking to economists. So you might not think about eggs and things like that. And the prices of things go up and down, yes. And we've recently had price increases on many, many goods. Eggs have remained stable through all of that until very recently, which is a big problem. And it's actually very shocking. And it is actually a big issue. But also, we just did a story on eggs last week. So it was kind of interesting. Okay, so this is a kind of scary story. Over the next five years, Japan wants to increase defense spending by 56%. 

And Japan has a constitution that says it is not allowed to invade or attack other countries. It's called the Self-Defense Force, as the military in Japan. They are only allowed to defend themselves. But there are some voices in the government at the moment who are saying, like, because of the threat of China and North Korea specifically, self-defense as a concept needs to be expanded. And this is where it gets really scary, because what they're saying is self-defense should include counter-strike. And what does that mean? Because North Korea shoots missiles over Japan and by Japan all the time. It's very scary until the 50th, 60th time it's happened. Then you actually stop paying attention, which is probably the worst thing, because it should be a big issue every single time it happens. So what they're saying is if North Korea wants to shoot a missile, Japan should be able to shoot it down. But then some of them are saying we should be able to hit the thing it came from. So I assume a military base. That's the counter-strike capabilities they're talking about. 

Now, this is going to be 43 trillion yen. Okay, that's the set number, right? Now, I have an ongoing theory that Japan is really just trying to make an excuse to build a Gundam, a fully functioning real Gundam. To do that, I went on the internet and looked up the resources and costs and stuff. It's, of course, already been done by someone. How much would it cost to build a real-life, active, working, functional Gundam? And they said $725 million for parts and materials. And I went and looked it up, and it's pretty accurate. 43 trillion yen easily outpaces that number, because there still has to be some research and development. Now, how are they going to pay for this? How are you just going to grab 43 trillion yen? They've actually come up with, I think, a pretty good solution. They want to use revenue from corporate taxes and tobacco. So they're saying, corporations, you're making lots of money. We're going to tax you harder and pay for defense capabilities to keep you alive and safe in Japan. Tobacco is killing you anyways, so we're going to take that money and protect you with it, which I think is an interesting idea. If they added in a tax on alcohol, alcohol is still a big thing in Japan. 

I believe that some things should be paid by these, in Canada they call them sin taxes. So that's alcohol, tobacco, pornography. They have a higher tax rate, but all that money goes into social services. So you want to do bad things to your body, you are free to do that. You have to pay a little extra, but that money goes back into society to do some good, sort of balance it out, balance out the scales, some karma. I actually think I'm really on board with that. I think they should do it for, I love my fizzy drinks, my colas, I drink a lot of bad stuff. I think they should tax that at a higher rate. I would be immediately punished by that tax, but that tax should go into healthcare, because what do sugary drinks do? They give you diabetes, they make you sick, they do a lot of bad things. Put that into healthcare to offset those costs. I think that is a fair, balanced, sensible way to do it. So Jade has just said, finally a good tax idea. I actually think this is good. I'm not a big fan of the military.

 I do think Japan should protect itself, but I think it should build giant Gundams and just make a wall of Gundams around the whole island of Japan. No one would fuck with that. Japan has been developing rail gun technology that is a technology used within the Gundam universe and the big gun on the Gundam's arm. So they want to use corporate and tobacco taxes. I think if they included alcohol, you'd have enough money like Tuesday, next week, to pay for everything. They're looking at 700 billion yen trillion. I just wrote 700 corporate and 200 tobacco, but it gives you just a scale of how much. They're looking to tax corporations at a much higher rate than tobacco. So they're going to use that a lot. Now this comes into a third story. The Japan, the United Kingdom, and Italy are all working together to develop a new fighter jet for 2035. This is the first time for Japan to do a joint venture with countries other than the U.S. So like when it comes to developing military technologies, Japan has always worked with America. This is the first time they're stepping away from America saying, England, you guys make the Triumph motorcycles. 

They're sexy. Italy, you've got the Lamborghini and the Ferraris of the world. The build quality isn't so great, but they go really fast. That's what we need. We need fast. You want the British to make the interior of the jet. The seats, the pullout T-set, that should all be made by the U.K. Italy should do the engine and the speed. Now it's going to break every time you fly it, but it's going to go super fast when it flies. So basically you're going to have to fly it, bring it back, maintain it. I think they have to do that with jets anyway, so that's not a big deal. Japan is going to do the technology and engineering, which means you're going to have a cute AI hologram woman who pops up on the console. It's like, oh, please attack that airplane over there and does something like that. I need a voice changer maybe to do the anime voice. But you can see this is an interesting it's interesting because it's a step outside what they normally do. They have very established relationships military wise with America. You're stepping away from that, trying to expand. I mean, the U.K. and Italy, man, that's a good lunch. 

I mean, you would have a really good lunch if you had someone from England and Italy and Japan together mixing up those cultures. Japan is actually going to lead development, which again, technology wise, I think that's a good idea. But it is going to end up having like weird – or maybe you don't have a hologram girl pop up in the heads up display, and the voice in your ear is going to be super annoying and hyper cute, which is actually going to like probably make the pilot sick. There was a quote. We have begun collaboration through a series of discussions on autonomous systems capabilities. Now, my final point is that the Gundam was a semi-autonomous robot. So it did have a pilot, but the AI in the Gundam was a learning computer that learned from the pilot and its experiences and put those together and then work together with the pilot to fight better. 

So we have enough money to build a Gundam. We are joining with other countries technologically to develop new technologies that will apply to a Gundam. We have already the weapons platforms that Japan is sort of developing that would go into a Gundam. I can't believe anyone is going to tell me that we are not building a Gundam. There is a truck driver shortage in Japan. One of the solutions they want to do is have drones do delivery for the mail, which is an interesting concept. Until recently, it was illegal to fly a drone over a residential area. They had to change that law to make the ability for the post in Japan to be delivered by drone. This is because of a driver shortage in Japan. I was interested in kind of the rules because they are changing the law, they are changing the rules. What happens? To fly a drone in Japan, you have to have a level four pilot license. That is required. It is a three-year renewal process. Every three years you have to renew your license. Every year you have to do a flight test. This is still not like any casual person with a drone can fly it. 

A person with a drone is still not allowed to fly their drone over a crowd. There is significant privacy concerns. That is actually the biggest issue in Japan right now. The biggest concern is about privacy infringement because these piloted drones have to have cameras. I am waiting for this to happen. Actually, having done enough Japanese news, I am waiting for someone to fly the drone into someone's window and just stare at them and then get arrested for that. Because it will be illegal. It is absolutely going to be illegal. It is going to break the stalking laws in Japan. Drone flights are going to be allowed over residential areas. I said all that. It is primarily for parcel deliveries. That is just a big important thing. That is all that story. I am waiting to see. They built these little sort of the Japanese postal systems that uses red. A lot of countries do. It has got a very cute drone. Look out for that in the future. I am interested to see how and when they actually start doing it. 

A big change. Cops in Japan are not allowed to go into... I have totally lost track of what I said. I need a little refresher. Let's get a little refresher up there. Okay, that is all I needed. A little want the punani to get myself going. In Japan, it is actually not true. I read this thing. There was a picture of some Canadian cops on the internet. They were standing around. It was a crowd. They were policing like an event, like a parade or something. They were both holding Starbucks. There was this big interesting outcry in Japan. Japanese cops would never be seen standing around with iced coffee. But then all these other people were like, well, you know, cops need to eat and drink and stuff. I mean, it is just ridiculous that they can. I thought from that, from across the country in Japan, that cops were not allowed to eat and drink on duty or not allowed to be seen. It turned out in most places it was true a long time ago. What would happen is in the rule was, I am a cop, I am in uniform and I want to drink. I have to go back to the station, change my clothes. They had like an official jacket you could take. Go to the convenience store, buy a drink, bring it back to the station, drink it, then change back into my uniform and then I go out and patrol again. But of course that is not very convenient. It would make sense to allow cops to buy drinks. But they were worried that cops standing around drinking coffee on duty would look bad and it would reduce the trust of the public that they are not actually doing their job. They are just messing around drinking coffee all day. 

There is, what is it, Oita Prefecture just said, oh, we changed the law. We changed the rule. They actually did a news story. You could actually watch a cop go in in uniform and he bought a coffee and he chatted to the, you know, this was all for the news. So he chatted friendly and then went outside and everyone was like, well, isn't it great that cops are allowed to drink? Sure, I thought that was a bigger rule. But it turns out 40 prefectures, so with this change, 40 prefectures now allow it. There is only five left that don't. You can't buy any fun stuff though. You're not allowed to buy cigarettes or beer or manga and then go sit in your cop car and just eat, drink beer and read manga all day, which is fair. But I mean, if you need some water or drink or something or a little caffeine to keep you going, that's allowed now, which I think it should have been allowed from the beginning. 

Several Japanese companies are adopting English as their official language, and this is an attempt to attract foreign workers. This is primarily IT companies that need engineers and stuff, but other companies are doing it as well. They want to have, it's a 45% increase in companies that are going to use English as their official language in the future, which is fine. They want to make all their internal documents English. They want to do all their communications in English. This is going to be really tough for the Japanese staff. They're going to have to all learn a higher level of English, so that's actually maybe good for people like myself, who's primarily source of income is teaching English. But I think the problem is they're not going to attract any IT people this way. And the reason I think they're not going to attract any IT people this way is because the problem in Japanese companies isn't English or it's primarily work-life balance. IT is already a tough business. 

Japanese IT is just worse because the work-life balance philosophy of companies in Japan is poor. So if that's the case, I don't think just them speaking English is really going to be attractive. They're going to have to bigger pay package. They're going to have to have better holidays. They have better standard holidays, but the average working day is so bad that I don't think anyone is going to really want to work for a Japanese company in that capacity, unless it's sort of like a real love passionate thing. I don't know. I'm a little thinking, basically I'm thinking they've missed what's not attractive about working in Japan. The language barrier isn't what distracts people. A smart engineer, I bet, is going to learn Japanese fairly quickly and be functional. Maybe reading, I think, is a lot harder because of kanji and stuff. But English is not the barrier. It's the why would I take this job that gives me more hours for less pay versus where I'm working now. Okay, we've got two arrests. We've got some crime news to finish off. So the man was arrested for a bomb threat. He's also suspected of 600 kidnapped threats to local governments across Japan. So this is a guy, he's unemployed, has a lot of free time, and he decides to spend his free time by threatening people about stuff he doesn't like. 

He threatened to kidnap 334 kindergartners. Now I was like, that's an interesting issue because he said the 600 kidnapping threats, say like I'm going to kidnap 300 kids, is that 300 individual threats of kidnapping or is that one threat of kidnapping applied to 300 kids? Because he's very specific. He says, I'm going to kidnap 334 kindergartners all in one statement. Does it count as 300 individual threats? Was it the actual bit I wanted to know about? I was actually looking into it. I couldn't find the answer. He sent a message to the mayor of a city. I will kill the mayor using a gun I illicitly made. Now gun legality in Japan is such that if you make a gun, it is already illegal. He did not need to specify. He did not need to specify that he had illegally made a gun. He made a gun, that's already illegal. But as you know, a few months ago, Prime Minister Abe was assassinated by a homemade shotgun. So this is really going to sort of pique the police's interest. This got them sort of off the go and off they went and they found him. He was arrested and what for? Obstruction of business. Because the threats stop people from doing work, that is obstruction of business and that is the law that you can catch everyone in. I got to start keeping count. I'm thinking up here in the corner, I'm going to keep an obstruction of business counter. And then every time I say obstruction of business, as the crime has been committed, not just every time I say it, but every time it's part of the story, it's the law you've been arrested for, we ding one on the counter. I think that actually might be fun. So that's something to consider in the future. Last one. There was a new law about pornography, which I found very interesting, not the pornography, the law. 

There's something I found really interesting about it because what they do is you have to have a written contract to do a porn movie in Japan. And in the contract, it has to include that for the next two years, if the actors within the film want that movie taken down, it can get taken down. And I actually think this is a really good idea because let's say I'm 18, 19 years old. I'm like, I'm really desperate for money or I'm in a tough situation. I make a porn movie to make some quick money. And then my life changes after that. And I'm kind of like regretting the idea of making that movie. Or I'm influenced in a negative way to make the movie in the first place. And then a year or two later, I'm like, oh, my life has changed. I really want that out of my life. I want that erased from the internet. It's in your legal contract that you can just say, I want it taken down, it'll get taken down. So sorry, Jay just said it'll always be out there anyways, but it's a good idea. I think that is actually true. Like logistically speaking, it's like the internet, you put something out on the internet, it's very hard to take it back. Like it will get copied and replaced or whatever.

But it gives them a legal recourse to at least minimize so the main source can be taken down. A lot of the videos will disappear because that'll be gone. But it gives them a legal recourse. And then of course, porn being a very manipulative industry in itself, the guys who do it, they're kind of scummy guys. Like I'm sorry, I have to honestly say that's what I believe. I think it's a manipulative industry. When I had a daughter, people always, like when you have kids, so if you have a son, a bunch of straight dudes are all going, what if your son's gay? Like you're supposed to react really negatively to that. And I was like, I mean, I hope he's happy. I don't really give a shit if he's gay or straight as long as he's happy. I made a joke. Of course, I didn't say it that plainly and sincerely. I said like, oh, you know, I hope my son does really well. We were talking kind of about double standards between having a son and a daughter. As a man who was raised in a misogynistic society, I am more protective of my daughter. But anyways, yeah, what I was saying, of course, when you have a daughter, they'll go, what if she does porn? And my thought was like, if it wasn't manipulative, I actually wouldn't have a problem with it. But like I take it down to modeling. Modeling as an industry is manipulative. S

o I'd be very wary about her doing modeling. She actually a couple of years ago said she wanted to do like one of these kids fashion things. And I was like, and it's not the kids doing fashion or the photographers or stuff like that. It is the creepy people involved in the industry that I'm wary of. If my kids aren't slightly gay, I'd be disappointed, but it's okay. I think we all got that in us. Again, I think because of when I was born and how I was raised in my life that any aspect of that has been tampered down. But I think it was tampered down to such a degree it's kind of come around where I'm super comfortable talking about dudes and penises and stuff. So I think I came around the other side. I'm clearly super heterosexual. But the idea of talking about men or a handsome man or gay stuff isn't off-putting to me anymore. I don't know if that's age or because I've just hit such a level of manliness that it's okay. But that's again a different topic. I wanted to finish the porn story. I want to finish the porn story is a phrase I didn't think I'd be using today. And oh, we did it at the same time. I clicked off so I could get the I want the punani line to go. This is now going to be a sound clip I'm going to pull from this episode and actually just make that a thing. Because let's be clear, if nothing else has been said today in the last 35 minutes, me want the punani. 

Anyways, the reason this came to light is we've had the first arrest. And something again, Ninja News Japan loves first arrests for new laws. Because is it applied the way the law was intended? Is it effective? This is kind of the interesting part of a first arrest for a new law. There was an executive of a porn company and he had seven times between August and October made seven porn movies with people without contracts. Now, three of those were uncensored, which is again also illegal in Japan, but they're uploaded to this website that's in the Caribbean. But the women weren't told that was going to be uncensored. So that's again, so you can see where this leaves the woman in a more powerful position. She said, like, I made Japanese porn. Japanese porn has your genitalia censored. You have taken that video and you've released it uncensored. Now she can say, I'm not comfortable with the genitalia not being censored. This wasn't what I agreed to. I want you to take that movie down. They have to take it down. So it does give, again, I think like Jade said earlier, it's always kind of going to be out there. But this is a case where I've found out early that this isn't what I agreed to. I'm forcing you to take it down. 

They do have to legally take it down. At least the actor in this case would have some legal recourse. And that legal recourse, at least they're going to get paid. Because if something that you don't want on the Internet is out on the Internet against your will. At least the absolute minimum is you can get paid. And hopefully paid enough to shut that guy down so he doesn't do it again. And that is... Ah, it's too slow. Why? Tell me what you really want. All night. No wonder Fernandez if I make my name. Okay. But... But I mean, that's all these guys in porn. That's all they really want. All right. I got to... That was the worst end to an Indian news drama. I've had some shitty endings to my shows. Because I don't script it. That was maybe one of the worst ones ever. But thank you for hanging out.