Booger kids don’t die


Ah, do a level good science story, especially

when they justify me spitting into children’s mouths.

So there’s the opening of the podcast.

You weren’t into that.

But it gets better.

I mean, we gotta go through this whole story,

and then it gets better, and then it gets worse.

But in a fun way.

That’s what we all were here for.

We’re here for the fun science, spitting in

kids’ mouths, and you’re maybe like, “Hey, don’t spit in that baby’s mouth.”

But you actually might solve a lot of their

skin problems in the future, because bacteria,

so a Japanese university has found that bacteria

from a parent’s saliva stimulates the infant’s

immune system, leading to allergy prevention in the future.

So I, if you’ve listened to this podcast for any

amount of time, suffer greatly from allergies.

You actually have two allergy stories today.

I suffer from allergies, and that’s problematic.

I’m always on drugs.

I’m always doing stuff to try to take care of my allergies, allergies, allergies.

When I produce this podcast, one of the issues

is I sniff, cough, and make gurgly sounds.

Those are bad.

If my mom had been a good mom and spitting my

mouth as a baby, maybe I wouldn’t have those problems.

If the parent, it’s not as gross as spitting in

the kids’ mouth, because there’s no scientific

study that would work, because in your survey,

if you said, “Did you spit in your kids’

mouth, everyone would put no even if they did.”

So the actual science will stop with the spitting in the mouth joke.

Big pause, so you can wonder if it’s really a joke.

If you shared eating utensils, so I take a

bite off my chopsticks since we’re in Japan,

and I take those chopsticks and I feed my

child, and I feed myself, and I feed my child, a 48% drop in skin issues.

If… Now this is actually almost as gross as spitting the…

So this is the one I was in trouble.

If the parent primes a pacifier by putting it

in their mouth, and then puts it in the baby’s

mouth, 65% drop in skin issues and allergies.

I never would have thought to put my baby’s

pacifier in my mouth, primarily because it was

in my baby’s mouth, and I’m like, “It’s gross and wet.

I’m not going to put that in my mouth.”

Perhaps it would have stimulated me.

There is an issue though.

You got to be careful.

You can’t do this for too long because there

is bacteria in an adult’s mouth that will stimulate cavities.

So, you have to… You can do it while the baby…

They really want you to do it while the baby has no teeth.

Once the baby has teeth come in, you kind of

have to stop because then you’re at risking

an increase in cavities, which is like a bacteria

that can get into the gums and into the teeth that cause problems later.

So if we’re being 100% serious, it is good

to eat food with my chopsticks and then feed my baby with those chopsticks.

It is okay to prime a pacifier which I probably

wouldn’t do anyway, so it just feels like a bit too much.

Another gross piece of science that I know is

that it’s actually not a bad thing for kids

to pick their nose and eat it because it’s

a very safe way of introducing small amounts

of bacteria into the stomach, which stimulates the immune system the same way.

So the scientists were actually quite smart

because they weren’t saying like, “We’re never

going to make picking your nose and eating it socially acceptable.”

But we could teach kids that if they’re on their own

and it’s private and they do it, it’s not a bad thing.

And that might be… A lot of science I learn is gross stuff that

we should be doing to improve our lives.

But our social mores have put us in a position where it’s not a good thing to do.

So that’s where we end up.

You don’t do the things that actually might benefit us in the future.

You can’t tell me book aren’t readers having a minute advantage.

Jade, I’m sorry to have to tell you this,

but those little booger kids, they don’t die.

They don’t get sick.

Have you ever noticed the kids, the really

gross kids, the dirty kids, the kids who like scoop eat?

Oh, that’s the worst one.

They get… It’s the up, down, in.

That’s a smooth motion of someone who’s picked their nose their whole life.

Those kids never get sick.

Like all the clean kids were very fragile.

All the Japanese kids who wash their hands all

the time, they all have lots of allergy issues.

The kids who play in dirt eat their boogers

and like spit up in the air and catch it, they never get sick.

So I’m sorry to have to tell you this.

Not only does science say it, my non-scientific

study of disgusting children also proves it

because when I’m teaching kids classes, the gross kids always show up.

Now part of my brain goes, that’s because the

parents want them out of the house, but the

other part of my brain goes, it’s because they never get sick.

They never get to disease.

They’re nothing ever goes wrong in there.

And they glide through life with this gross lifestyle, harder than the rest of us.

So if I’ve been a grosser kid, I might not

be suffering from the allergies I suffer with right now.

Second allergy story.

Japan wants to have the pollen count in 30 years.

So when I’m 81, I’ll probably be dead by then.

When I’m 81, Japan will have got its pollen policies under control.

Never too late to start eating those, I guess.

Never too late.

Well because it has to be during the developmental part of your life.

So now if I start eating my boogers, because I just

put in the chat, never too late to start eating your boogers, I guess.

It is.

Because if I start doing it now, it won’t

stimulate my immune system and its development.

So now it is too late to start eating my boogers.

Now I’m just gross.

If I did it when I was a kid, there would be

sort of an evolutionary advantage of stimulating

my system and growing it into a stronger system.

Now it’s all set.

I’m useless.

I’m dying.

I’m old.

I’m going to crash.

The burning is going to hurt more when I crash and burn.

It hurts already.


After World War II, everything in Japan was burnt.

Japanese season allergies hit different.

It’s like a freight train that’s correct.

That is exactly the story I’m doing now.

The end of World War II, all the trees were

cut down because they needed to rebuild stuff

and then they’re like, “Oh shit, we don’t have trees.”

We need something that grows fast and Hardy and they got cedar trees and imported them.

That’s always a problem.

Importing a non-indigenous plant or animal to a country, but that’s always a problem.

So, what do we end up with?

Cedar trees.

Non-native to Japan.

50% of Tokyo, I’ve said this a billion times.

50% of Tokyo is allergic to cedar.

I suffer from dust, pollen, everything.

The thing that pisses me off, dust is inside my house.

I’m allergic to that.

I go outside, I’m allergic to pollen.

I’m allergic to inside and outside.

I really wish I’d eaten a lot more boogers when I was a kid.

So they’re like, “Okay, this is gone beyond some people have allergies.

50% of Tokyo is less productive for part of the year.

They’re spending tons of money on allergy medicine.

I mean, there’s a good point.

I’m now on, I guess, version two of my allergy medicine and it’s way better.

Now I can take it without water.

It’s funny because the guy’s like, “Oh, it’s a new version.

You don’t need to take it with water anymore.

It’ll just dissolve in your mouth.”

I’m like, “Of my problems, swallowing a pill is on very low on the list.”

But they’re going to start to cut down all those cedar trees.

There are 4.31 million hectares that they want

to replace with less pollen producing trees.

So just in the next 30 years, they’re going to

be just like tearing down all the cedar trees they can and I cannot wait.

I would volunteer at this point to assist because I’m sure the cedar is bad for me.

I mean, I’m allergic to rice, pollen as well.

My body’s useless.

I’m just allergic to everything.

This is why I don’t go outside.

That’s a lot of wood.

That’s what she said.


Yeah, rice pollen is a thing.

So I’m allergic to rice.

I’m allergic to pollen and rice pollen is pretty heavy seasonally in Japan.

So that hits me pretty hard.

But we’re off allergies and spinning in baby’s mouths.

Yeah, the plant.

But of course, I live in the countryside.

No, no, no, the grain is good.

I eat rice just food.

I don’t really seem to have any allergies to.

There is a game weirdly personal.

Sweet and sour pork.

I ate for years and years and years and years

and then suddenly sweet and sour pork two hours later I will vomit.

I think it’s the bamboo.

So what I don’t want to do is actually test to find out what is making me throw up.

But it seems like I can eat pork.

I can eat pineapples.

Is it the sauce?

And then in the ones I usually get, it has like bamboo shoots.

And I think maybe I might be allergic to bamboo shoots in a really violent way.

I don’t know.

No, no, no.

Kishita’s son.

Kishita, Prime Minister of Japan, has a son.

Total nepo baby.

And that’s a phrase I’ve never used until today.

I’ve been reading on the Internet about actors and stuff.

Johnny Depp has a daughter and everyone’s calling her nepo baby.

I don’t know.

She’s talented and not.

I mean, let’s face it.

If you want it, I have always wanted to write books and be creative and stuff.

I have no connections.

I remember writing a book and then finding

out you need like a literary agent and I just don’t know how to get one.

So I’m like, okay, well, I’m in the Internet age at this point.

I’m just going to put stuff on the Internet.

But I’m not jealous of nepo babies.

I just, I just like, I honestly think if I had the opportunity, I would take it.

So I’m not.

Yeah, I don’t condemn them for being nepo babies.

Prime Minister, I don’t know if that’s a different situation.

I feel like Kishita’s son getting a leg up in politics.

This Japan, Japan is very sort of legacy oriented.

Anyways, they went to Paris like last year and

then he was told to go around and take pictures.

And he took official pictures and tourist photos

at the same time, which I actually thought was just an efficient way to do things.

And they got angry at him for taking personal

photos while he was supposed to be doing like professional work.

I thought that was a bit bullshit.

He then got in trouble for having a party at

the Prime Minister’s residence with relatives at New Year’s.

And he was thinking so, so like it was pandemic time still.

So like it’s been downgraded since then.

This was back in December.

He shouldn’t be having parties and gatherings and stuff.

It was family came to the Prime Minister’s residence.

I’m sure they were all vaccinated.

I’m sure they were all actually safe.

No one seems to have got coronavirus.

If they did it the right way, I personally don’t have problem with it.

He’s been fired though because of this.

So he’s going to not get any retirement allowance

and he’s not going to get a bonus this year.

I guess if you get it fired, you don’t get your bonus.

But then of course we read CEO stories.

They get fired and make still get their bonus.

I thought a bonus was supposed to be because you did a good job.

It does seem that in reality, if you’re in a certain

tier of position, you get a bonus because you exist.

Not because you did a good job because you got fired.

I don’t think you should get a bonus.

There have been several Card theft stories over the last few months.

I haven’t been doing them because they don’t say much.

It’s like people break into a card collecting store.

They steal a bunch of cards.

It’s not a very interesting story.

In this case, it’s not better.

It’s nerd stuff.

So this is a 25 year old.

He breaks into a store.

He causes 2.2 million yen worth of damage.

He stole 74 rare cards and 20,000 yen cash.

That’s a secondary crime of opportunity.

Which I’m like, if you’re going to commit a

crime, crimes of opportunities might as well why not?

You’re going to get in trouble and get in trouble.

He was caught and he was told he sold the cards

already and he is admitted to other theft.

It just got me thinking about nerd crime might

be the way to describe it because you have

to be a nerd to know the value of the cards.

If you put me in a Pokemon store and said

steal the most valuable cards, oh, it’s 20,000 yen of cash out of the till.

Maybe I wasn’t clear.

He stole rare cards which would probably be worth a million yen or more.

He just was like, oh, there’s the till.

I’ll take 20,000 yen because it’s there.

So that maybe I wasn’t clear about that.

The 20,000 yen was icing on top of the Pokemon cake.

I was, yeah, yeah, nerd crimes.

If you put me a non Pokemon fan, now that is not me disparaging Pokemon.

I was just sort of too old when it became popular.

So I kind of missed Pokemon.

I missed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I missed, you know, there’s the stuff that you like has a lot to do with your age.

So I missed Pokemon.

So I’m not saying it’s bad or anything.

But if you put me in the store with the cards,

I would stand there and go, I just assume

the ones that have the most, like the shiny

ones, they are the rarest, which may or may not be true.

I don’t know because there’s misprints and stuff like that.

So a misprint of a regular card, I wouldn’t know that was rare.

I’d walk right past it.

So there’s a certain, I don’t equate nerdiness

with crime, but it does seem like that might

be a wave of the future where you are an

expert because this is like art theft, right?

So art thieves have to know about art and it kind of makes it a very exciting crime.

Nerd stuff.

So like, oh, there’s, I know that this store has that a rare thing.

I wanted to store in just my eye, it glinted on the corner of my eye and I saw it.

That might be a wave of crime in the future.

Cyber crime, I agree, but cyber crime is different

because I’m equating nerd theft of physical

items with art theft because you would have to

be a level of nerd to understand the quality

of what you’re stealing in the first place, which is akin to old sk-so I basically what

I’m saying is I’m waiting for a movie or a TV show about like the best nerd thief, it

probably be an anime, and he steals the rarest

card from like a, it’s, you know, it’s a laser

protected system and he does sort of like down from the ceiling and stuff like that.

I just think that that might be something

that could be capitalized in the near future,

as these nerds, you might want to not want to

do Pokemon cards, but it could be collector cards.

I guess in the anime you would make up your own card system and then in that system you

have the rarest card and that’s the one he goes after.

Something like that.

I just, I see an opportunities for someone to make a franchise about something.

In the tradition of art thief movies, the heist

movies, you could do one that was incredibly

nerd oriented, which I think might be interesting.

This is fraudulent obstruction of business by

calling a cram school 12,206 times in 10 days.

So this guy, retired guy, clearly or unemployed.

Actually, what was his age?

I didn’t write down his age.

I think he was in his 60s.

He seems to be retired.

I think if you have the, I wouldn’t have the

time in a day to call, because if it’s 12,000

times over 10 days, it’s 1,200 times a day if

we’re just going to do straight up averages.

He called a cram school 12,206 times in 10 days.

He, the lady, of course, who runs the cram

school calls the police and says, I got this guy he’s like making harassment calls.

Please stop him.

The guy admits he made the calls, but says, this is the bit I like the most.

I did not intend to interfere with the school’s work.

If you call any place a thousand times, the claim that you

did not intend to interfere does not have any feet to it.

I can’t believe that.

There is the question, maybe in his warped

brain, he actually believes what he’s saying.

I would always like to dig down into this stuff.

He believes it.

Then you have to ask the question, what did you

think would happen by calling a place 12,000 times a day?

I want to do the math, but I don’t want to do it right now.

How many times an hour would he call if he

was awake for like, if he did over a 10 hour period or something like that?

I’m not going to do it right now.

I did not intend to interfere with the school’s work, but clearly you did.

Unless he is so like warped, he doesn’t realize

that calling a place a thousand times a day is going to interfere with the work.

It sounds like a really small cram school

because they say the woman, there’s a woman who

owns it, she probably has a couple teachers.

This is like a private independent entity.

There’s probably like five people work there.

One of them has to work the phone.

Or in a lot of cases, these little cram schools

like whoever’s available answers the phone,

which means you’re taking one person’s actual

job of teaching kids away from them while

they just answer your phone calls over and over again.

The reason is the best part.

Oh man, Jade, that’s awesome.

75 calls an hour.

In 60 minutes in an hour, he’s calling once a minute.

That’s ridiculous, amazing.

Thank you for that though.

I was going to do the math before and then I forgot.

This guy had been hit by a car.

And he said, I wanted to contact a man who was driving the car.

I thought he worked at the cram school.

Turns out he didn’t.

So at that point, he’s getting arrested for

harassing a group of people who were unenvolved

with the thing he was probably upset about.

And you know what, this is the bit.

My first thought was he’s not going to apologize.

He’s going to think he did nothing wrong.

He’s like, well then I’ll just stop calling them.

And that somehow is good enough.

But yeah, that, I don’t know, somehow that

story, that final element really pissed me off.

Because I was like, you know that guy doesn’t think he did anything wrong.

He’s trying to make them a thousand times a day every day for more than a week.

He didn’t think he was doing anything wrong.

And his excuse was I’m trying to get in touch with the guy who hit me with a car.

Didn’t actually know.

I thought he worked there, but he didn’t.

So I guess that’s it.

It’s that attitude.

You’ve seen that attitude a lot on the Internet.

And yeah, I really actually hope he gets punished quite severely.

Three 18-year-olds.

So as soon as you say that, you know like, oh, they’re making good decisions.

I’m trying to think when was the age when I made the worst decisions?

I think it was 16, maybe 15-16 because I was

at that age where I’m trying really hard to

be cool and tough and strong in adult and I’m not.

And I don’t have any money and I’m just

trying to get into trouble for trouble’s sake.

I think by the time I was 18, I’d actually kind of even doubt.

That’s me personally.

I know lots of people now who are in the 30s

and 40s still don’t seem to make good life

decisions, but that’s this whole separate issue.

It’s a whole separate podcast I really want to produce.

So 3 18-year-olds are sitting around and then like, our friend got arrested.

And we’ve watched too much anime.

I’m not sure.

We need revenge on the police.

So already, you know, you can see it’s going wrong already.

Like you don’t get revenge on the police.

That’s not how revenge works and it’s not how the police works.

So we’re going to get some fireworks.

We’re going to get some fire extinguisher.

We’re going to cause some trouble.

We’re going to get revenge on the police.

So they start shooting fireworks at the police station.

They start to spray the fire extinguisher around.

At least they are if the fireworks have accidentally

started a fire capable of putting it out.

And by spraying it around randomly, just as

likely to have put out a fire they’ve started.

So there is a weird safety element here that I quite like.

They then smash a window on the police station

and throw the fire extinguisher out the door

and they said causing a significant amount of damage.

The cops, the problem I saw, yeah, is that

around a police station, there are usually cops.

So if you wanted to get revenge by doing vandalism,

you’ve actually chosen the wrong place because the cops are going to be there.

And the cops are then going to be able to

catch you because the cops have like shields and sticks and guns.

They don’t tend to use the guns in Japan.

The shields and sticks they’re pretty good with.

They do have this weird pool tool and it’s got

like, it’s like a fork without a middle time.

And what they do is have two cops approach

someone from different sides, opposite sides,

and then they catch them in the middle and then they can’t move.

So if you’re like a violent criminal with a

knife, they get this like thing and they poke

you with it and the other guy poke you with

it and then they hit, it’s around your waist and you can’t move anymore.

And then some cops will come up behind you and try to disarm you.

We’re probably just thump you with a stick until you drop the knife.

But they’re very safety oriented here because they don’t deal with a lot of guns.

It’s interesting.

It’s an interesting thing.

So the three 18 year old youths were promptly

arrested because the cops were like, hey, those guys are smashing up our station.

Maybe we should arrest them for it.

They were arrested for forcible obstruction of business, which is amazing.

Oh, the last story.

I didn’t tell us.

So I now have just realized only today after

doing story after story and story of obstruction

of business, there are different kinds in different levels.

So there last story was fraudulent obstruction of business.

This is forcible obstruction of business.

But I mean bad plan all around.

You’re not actually getting revenge.

So now these three kids have been arrested.

So if they have three friends exponentially,

so that’s nine more people, they’re going to

sit around and go, we need to get revenge on the police.

And they get arrested.

And exponentially goes out and then they’re

going to end up with everyone in Japan trying

to get revenge on the police if these kids

are popular enough, which luckily they’re not.

All right, last story for today.

There’s a political meeting and it’s about promoting gender equality.

So you know it goes bad.

There is no way a story that starts with a political

meeting about gender equality is in the news

and it’s a good story or someone says something reasonable.

If it’s on the news Japan, I don’t do reasonable stories.

I do stories that I find funny or interesting in some way.

So I’m only interested in Japanese men making

political gaffes because it’s funny and it’s

because it hasn’t changed as much as they try to change.

It hasn’t changed.

They just have this group.

The thing is this, the politician who made

these comments, or he’s going to get in trouble or it’s like in his 30s.

So in my head I’m like, should know better.

I understand.

I’m not saying it’s acceptable.

I understand the 70, 80 year olds saying shit that’s just out of wack with society.

They’ve lived in their own political bubble.

They don’t understand that the world has changed.

They think things should work the way they want them to work.

So at that point, you’re not changing your mind.

You can pretend to.

That would be the best you could hope for.

You’re not 70, 80 years old and changing the way you think about things.

Women, equality, LGBTQ stuff.


I’m 50.

I am flexible.

I don’t think the way I’m thinking now changes much to the point where I die.

I think I’m kind of set.

I have had changes.

I’ve noticed that for me, certainly from my 40s, exposure changed my opinion.

So I’m not resistant to change.

That’s maybe something I could say.

I might not have thought about stuff, but as

I became more exposed to ideas and stuff, my opinion would change on those things.

So I’m still open.

But yeah, I think 20 years from now, you talk to me the way I think is set.

I don’t think it’s going to be changing much after that.

Luckily, I’m relatively liberal all-round.

I’m a Canadian.

I mean, we’re open, happy people.

You want to live your life, you live your life.

I live my life.

I live my life.

We get along.

I appreciate the differences in you and me.

Oh, we’re great.

That is actually one of the benefits of growing up where I didn’t get it.

It was a very liberal place.

I’ve been able to travel around the world and

appreciate things and make fun of shit like this.


So the actual statement.

So they’re having a meeting about gender equality.

And he says, this guy, he’s talking.

We need to go to those who are not interested in the topic of gender equality.

Like construction workers.

It’s like, okay, you know, not the most beautiful way to phrase it.

But still, I think you need to co-opt the people who are not on board.

That’s actually going after people who agree with you is almost pointless.

You need to start bringing in people who aren’t on board.

So I’m like, I don’t think the way he’s saying

it is sensitive or smart, but the core sentiment is correct.

So this actually puts his second statement

into some question if you want to take him at face value.

So then he says to a female colleague who’s in her 50s.

I’m going to give you some advice, lady.

Your video, so she obviously makes political videos.

She makes speeches and stuff and she tries to

get attention to her, the causes she promotes.

Your videos will get more views if you wear a school uniform when you speak.

Remember he’s trying to promote gender equality.

So school uniforms in Japan, I know you already know.

They are fetishized in Japan.

Jesus going, no, in the chat, yes.

So he gets called out.

Dude, telling an adult woman to wear a school

uniform to get attention isn’t really the coolest thing anyone’s ever said.

And he’s like, what?


Not promoting gender equality.

I don’t, I’m on the committee or I’m here doing the work.

So he says he tries to clarify a statement now.

So I’m a tiny, tiny bit torn because of the indelicate way he made his first statement.

But the sentiment being correct makes me think that he is indelicate in his speech,

but maybe there is the right idea in there somewhere.

But so he says, I meant that if she, she,

okay, I meant that she would attract attention if she did something eccentric.

So if he had said my prestigious female colleague, I have a recommendation for you.

If you did some eccentric things in your videos, they would garner more attention.

I bet that would have been acceptable.

Now she might say like eccentric, like what?

And then he could have done the like, I’ll

put on a school uniform and everyone would be like, ew, gross.

So I am a little torn.

I think he’s dumb, 100%.

Most politicians are, let’s be honest.

I think his core concept is correct.

If you do eccentric things, you will get more attention on the Internet.

But that maybe isn’t appropriate for the forum he’s talking about.

I think politicians doing eccentric things

to get attention isn’t really good politics.

I could do more eccentric things.

I do that right now.

I wear hats a lot in my videos, my podcast.

Maybe the baseball hat isn’t eccentric enough.

Let’s switch it to the Colonel’s hat.

And I’m going to take a more authoritarian stance in my videos from now on.

I maybe even put on like a jacket.

And let’s do it.

Let’s be, I’m going to take a more right wing stance.

This is it.

So this is what I could do.

Oh, I’ve just come up with sort of a new concept.

We could have right wing Peter, where’s the Colonel hat?

And left wing Peter, where’s the racist Irish hat?

I mean, let’s do it.

So now I could be like, you know, talking honestly

like a Canadian who has liberal values and ideals.

And you know, I think people should be left to their own devices.

And I think making gender equality statements

indelicately is probably means you’re a bad politician.

The woman should be more sexualized so that she can get more attention.

I just went into like a partial accent.

Didn’t plan the accent.

So I didn’t really know where I was going.

I think I think the right wing Colonel might

be a reoccurring character in Indonesia.

So Jade, I think you’re the only one watching.

This gets more, more, the podcast is a podcast.

It doesn’t get any views.

This might be how I get attention on the Internet.

It’s creating the right wing character that I’ve always shied away from.

The problem is do I get swallowed up by the

character and the character becomes who I really am.

And I really start believing my own bullshit.

Because that is the risk we play when we

play at who we maybe truly are on the inside.

(upbeat music).