Category: Podcast

(upbeat music) It’s December.

Getting to the end of the year.

Should I reflect on things?

No.

I wanna start with something that
sounds good and I don’t have anything.

Let’s just start.

The labor ministry in Japan wants companies

to stop forcing employees
to buy their own products,

the products they sell
to sit at sales quotas.

This is a very weird thing.

I guess it’s not weird, it makes sense.

If you’re given a sales
quota and you have to meet it

and that’s what your evaluation, your bonus,
or whatever, it’s gonna be reliant on.

You’re gonna wanna hit it.

So companies then turn and go like,

well, you’re an employee,
you have X amount of money

because we pay you so we know you have
that much money and you love our product.

So you have to buy so much of our product.

This is a problem
because often it’s too much

product or it’s a product
you don’t need or want.

Like, if I worked for a
car company, I would only

be able to buy so many
cars a year that I could use.

So they’re taking it to the next level.

I, this could be anything,
any product at all, drugs.

They do mention insurance
companies and stuff like,

how much insurance do I
need to secure my future?

So companies force
employees to buy the product

they’re selling so that they
can hit these sales quotas.

They can say they hit these sales
quotas so they can look good to investors

who probably aren’t buying the
product if we’re being very honest.

This is going to be defined
as a form of power harassment

because you have someone
in a position of authority

forcing you to buy a product
you may not necessarily want.

Like, maybe I do like our product.

Maybe I believe in our
product, but I’ve already bought

one today or I already
have one enough for my life.

There is no reason for me by more.

Forcing me by more is a
form of power harassment.

That’s how it’s going to be
defined going forward in Japan.

I think it’ll be interesting because
it’s going to get its own name.

All the forms of harassment really 90% of
them could just be called power harassment

or just let’s just get rid of the
first word and just call it harassment.

But I think putting labels on it

makes people understand
what’s going on a lot faster.

So it helps a lot.

So this is going to need its
own form of power harassment.

So I haven’t been able to
come up with a name myself.

I think that would be an interest.

We should run a contest.

I would like to do more interactive things.

I did the quizzes.

I would like to keep doing those, but lately
it’s been very hard for me to organize

because I’ve just been very
busy on my day off my extra day.

So organizing, someone to join
the podcast has been very difficult.

Yeah, contest would be interesting as well.

What would you call the form of harassment

of your company making
you buy your own product?

Not because you want the
product, but in order for you

to hit a sales goal, your
company not necessarily you.

If I got the bonus of
hitting my own sales goal,

maybe it would be worth it
for me to buy my own product.

But that’s probably not how it works.

It’s probably like the lower
level employees who don’t

get big bonuses, don’t get
any sort of profit from this.

And they’re like, you have
to buy X amount of stuff.

Out of your own salary, we’re
not gonna like compensate you

for that so that the
company hits its quota,

brings up the interesting topic of
quotas and whether they’re good or bad

because it’s, the company’s view
is a way to measure something

but not take into
account reality of the

circumstances of why
you might not hit that quota.

It’s certainly a problem
with like police and whatnot

when they have a quota of how many
like traffic tickets they have to give.

And so at the beginning of month,
they give out more traffic tickets.

And then at the later of the month, so
they’ve done, they’ve fulfilled their quota

and then they don’t have to
worry about it, they can be more

sort of egalitarian or more
pleasant to everyone going forward

and actually make decisions
on whether this merits a ticket

or not instead of trying
to fulfill their quotas.

Some of the examples given
in the articles were contracts

for car insurance, so
that’s a car insurance.

So I have a car, I need insurance.

I don’t need more than one
or two, three plans of insurance

on my car, I just need
the one to cover my car.

Maybe there’s a couple of
different kinds of insurance

that I could get, but I don’t necessarily
need one or be able to afford that.

So that’s where the
problem starts to arise.

Unsold Christmas cakes.

So you have a company that
produces Christmas cakes.

They made too many,
they maybe they got too

many orders and a bunch
of orders were canceled.

So they don’t want those to go to waste.

They wanna make sure they
sell 100% of their Christmas cakes.

You work at the bakery, I assume
it’s actually more of a factory.

You work the factory and they’re like,

we’re not gonna give you
these Christmas cakes.

You have to buy these Christmas cakes.

I’m assuming there is a somewhat of a
discount, but I actually can’t say that’s true.

The article doesn’t say that.

Now I’m assuming they’re
gonna take some of the profit.

See then, as soon as that
sentence comes on our mouth,

they’re gonna take some
of the profits off the top.

No, they’re not.

They’re going to profit
off you as an employee

just as much as they
would off any consumer.

So yeah, you’re screwed.

You have to buy your crappy Christmas cake

that you didn’t wanna
buy in the first place.

And let’s say you did
even like Christmas cake.

You are a fan of the product
you make as Christmas cakes.

How many are you gonna buy?

Like that’s insane.

Like I don’t want five or six Christmas
cakes sitting around my house.

This was the one I found interesting.

Cover wrongly taken orders of restaurants.

So you’re a server of some sort.

You take an order and
then you bring the order to

the table and they say
this is wrong in some way.

So that has to be taken back.

They have to remake the order or something

and they have to replace the
order and bring it back into it.

They’re saying that you have to pay
for the order that was taken incorrectly.

Now you may bear some responsibility,

but there is actually the
case of a lot of internet stories

of someone ordering
something and then just

sending it back because
that’s what they do.

So should the employee
be on the hook for that?

I actually disagree with that as well.

I don’t think the customers should have
that much power over someone’s paycheck.

And that’s always the problem is because
they don’t have tipping culture in Japan.

So that’s actually not the problem.

But if the restaurant
starts trying to like squeeze

the employee for a mistake that was made
that may or may not have been a mistake.

So whenever they talk about
wrong orders, I always have this mug.

It’s just tincture of doubt where I’m like,
yeah, but did they give the wrong order?

Or did they order something
and then change their mind?

And then when it came, they
decided they wanted something else.

And that in itself is problematic
because there’s no actual proof.

And the company, the restaurant, whatever,

should observe it,
we’ve had a dozen stories

of restaurants closing
down after the pandemic

because people just aren’t
going out to restaurants as much.

But then there’s also the inflation.

So people aren’t making as much money.

So putting this extra burden
on an employee who’s probably

making minimum wage, I
think is absolute bullshit.

And it’s never going to
be the high level employees

with lots of money who are actually
gonna be forced to do any of this stuff.

There’s a man who
has arrested for breaking

into 1,000 plus properties
for the thrill of it.

So this is something,
okay, I have a related story

from what my youth, when I
was a youth and you know, as soon

as I say youth, you know,
we’re talking about bad stuff.

He admitted when he was
arrested that the reason

he was breaking into these properties was
the adrenaline rush of would he be spotted?

This was his main motivator
for breaking into these properties.

Now there’s a bit of a conflict here.

‘Cause the story said
he broke into someone’s

home, the 48 year old
husband, when he ran away,

when the man got caught
and started to run away,

grabbed him and restrained him
while the wife called the police.

She called the police
able like my husband’s

just caught this guy, he
was breaking into our place.

He’s holding him, please come get him.

He was arrested at that point.

When he was arrested, he said I only entered
the property never the actual houses.

This was like he was
playing this like solo game

of hide and seek, like he
was creating a situation

where if he got caught, it
was like losing the game,

but no one else knew
they were actually playing,

which is, I guess that’s
where the problem comes in.

You can’t play hide and
seek in someone’s house

without them knowing and then like just
being like, oh, that was fun, we got you.

My related story is when I was young
in Canada, 17 years old, I don’t know.

This was like 16, 17, 18, when
you’re sort of physical peak,

but also your dumbest, which is a very
interesting combination of things to have.

My friends and I used to
climb over people’s houses.

This was a game we
created amongst ourselves.

There was hedge jumping,
and so there was a lot of hedges

in Canada where I lived,
and it was, could you jump all

the way through the hedge
doing a ton of damage, I’m sure.

Now that I think about all
this as an adult who owns

property, I’m like a
deeply, deeply disturbed

and offended by this
stuff we were doing.

But the initial part was hedge jumping.

Could you jump over the hedge?

Could you jump through the hedge?

Could you basically throw
your body into a hedge?

Then because we never got
caught doing it, or we never got in

trouble for doing it, we decided
to escalate, which is of course,

what a young testosterone
driven man is going to do.

So we decided to escalate
into climb over people’s garage.

This garage has tend to be about one story,
they’re almost an extension to the house.

So it was get yourself up
onto the roof of the garage,

climb over the garage,
get into the backyard,

get out of the backyard
without getting caught.

And so there was almost
a speed element to this,

it was kind of parkour
before parkour was a thing.

But like on a lower level,
we were just climbing,

this is maybe more
like house bouldering,

we were doing that, but
then of course we escalated.

And then we would
climb up to the second

floor, which is usually
the roof of the house.

So it was, could you climb
up onto the roof of the house,

climb over the house, climb
down the back of the house,

get into the backyard and
run outside the backyard,

or run out through the front again
or something without getting caught.

And that is as far as I went.

I did that a few times.

Now it was very dangerous,
’cause you’re on a roof,

and they actually tend
to be quite slippery,

especially if you’re getting
to the fall winter season,

which is a lot of times when
we were bored and outside,

and it was very dark
for a long period of time.

So that’s kind of where I maxed out.

I got a little scared after that,

I didn’t want to like fall
off the roof of the house.

So I did that once or twice and I’m like,

you know, I actually have
had my thrill, I’m done.

I was a fairly conservative young man

when it came to my
exploitations, if I’m being

really honest, but
that was a good thing.

That saved me from some danger.

I had a friend who
could not stop escalating.

And now when I’m later
in life, comparatively

speaking, I do wonder
what’s happened to him,

’cause I know if he lived the
life on the trajectory he was

going, he’s dead by now, through
some very, very exciting event.

I don’t know if that’s good, I don’t
know if I’m proud of that or not,

but if he lived his life the
way he was at that time.

Now, I calmed down, I changed my
life, and my attitude changed for sure.

So I’m assuming his did as well, but he
was always the more extreme of our group.

He took two, I never did
this, I never could do this.

He took two, breaking into people’s
houses, taking a shower and then leaving.

So he would never steal
anything or disturb anything,

but the thrill of them coming
home and knowing that someone

else had taken a shower in their
house for him was more exciting

than actually like stealing
something for profit.

So he never actually took
anything, he never disturbed anything,

he would use one towel,
he would take a shower,

use some of their product
and I mean, it’s such a violation.

I mean, now I think about
it and I’m like, my God,

someone broke into my, if I
came home and I knew someone

who was a stranger broke
into my house in my shower,

that would disturb me
for a very, very long time.

But I think that’s what he was going for.

I mean, I lost track of
him, he was a very nice guy.

It’s hard to say anything good or
bad ’cause this was a horrible thing.

Now that I can say as an
adult, if it happened to me how

I would feel, I know how
it would feel, it’d be awful.

But I love this, dude.

I do hope he’s got his shit together
and he’s a happy, healthy person.

Because he has a lot to offer society

and that sort of attitude
directed just forward something

positive could have
been a really great thing.

It reminded me of another
story we did on Ninja News Japan

of the guy who took picture of an idol
and then took the reflection from her eye

and figured out what station she
was at and then kind of triangulated

where she lived in a doctor and I was like,
if he used that to track down criminals,

like that skill set, that level of
detail and that level of ability,

if he took that and used that to track
down people who’d done bad things,

he’d be like a hero in all our eyes
but he had to use it for stalking

some idol who he had a paralyze
relationship with but it wasn’t real.

(upbeat music)

So a police officer
goes to investigate a

possible DUI so driving
out of the influence.

Sargent goes to question
two men who were sitting

in a car in a parking
lot of a convenient store.

And then they are like, oh, what do we do?

This is where I would have done the quiz
this week is like, what is the solution?

You probably are drunk.

You’re in a car, you
have X amount of options

to stop yourself from
getting arrested for this DUI

that the cop is clearly
walking towards your car.

You know he’s coming to
get you, what do you do?

Well, they did the most
sensible thing humans

could do while under
the influence of alcohol.

They drove straight at the cop.

They accelerate towards the police
officer who is walking towards them.

The cop ends up on the hood of the car.

So he probably did a little jump

ended up on the hood because
the injuries they talked about

at the end of the story are
actually just some scrape knee.

So he probably his
knees hit the hood of the

car as he slammed
into the hood of the car.

And then they kept driving.

They drove for 220 meters with
the cop clinging to the hood of the car.

Now, you know someone is
clinging to the hood of your car.

You have options, you can
stop and give up or you can

shake them off or you can
just keep going until they fall.

None of those are good options.

You’re screwed because if you stop,
you’re getting arrested for the DUI.

And I’m assuming a minimum
assault for the police officer.

If you keep driving, the
fact that he may fall off

and get severely injured
or die is attempted murder.

And so this is actually
story we’ve done before.

We actually had a guy
steal a hundred yen of

coffee at the convenience
store and then get on.

And then the clerk, the store
worker jumped on the hood

of the car thinking the person wouldn’t
drive away then they did drive away.

They got arrested for attempted murder.

So driving with someone on
the hood of your car in Japan

is attempted murder,
and it’s if they survive.

Like if they actually fall off and get
died, then you’re actually down for murder.

So 220 meters, the cop clinging to
the hood, the cop goes stop or all shoot.

So he’s clinging to the hood.

I’m assuming he has like one
or two hands clinging to the car.

I don’t know what kind
of car it was or whatever.

But he’s saying if you
don’t stop, I’m gonna pull my

gun out and start shooting
through the windshield.

This is action movie stuff.

I don’t know, they don’t
say how fast they were going.

I’m very interested in
how fast they were going.

Realistically, I know they
weren’t going that fast.

‘Cause I bet they didn’t wanna kill the cop

but at the same time
they’re like, we can’t stop.

So they’re in this sort of
dilemma of, we’ve gone this far.

How do we stop?

We can’t stop.

But at the same time, I
really don’t wanna kill a cop.

We’re just drunk.

We’re not murderers.

So they stop the car.

There’s no further explanation of injury

or anything like that is
just some scrape knees.

So I’m assuming they stop the car.

Then the next part of the story that
we know is factual is they ran away.

So the cops in Japan
don’t try to shoot you.

They don’t want to shoot you.

So him saying stop or all shoot
is a very, very serious threat.

Like this is like you’ve
gone way, way past the line.

I’m actually gonna pull
out my gun and shoot you.

When they stop the car and get out,

he probably got off the
hood of the car and he’s like,

okay, you guys and then they start running
away and he still didn’t shoot them.

Which again, realistically
is actually the right answer.

As much as they just tried to kill
him but also didn’t try to kill him,

it’s not worth them dying
to a gunshot in the back.

Whereas in other
countries, I think the cop

might be so pissed,
they might actually do it.

Actually again, credit
to the police in Japan

for showing restraint, they do
not shoot people unnecessarily.

The passenger turned
himself in two days later.

So we don’t know what
he’s gonna be arrested with.

‘Cause he’s sitting in the passenger seat.

He may have been saying stop, stop, stop.

He may have been saying
like kill him, kill him, kill him.

We don’t know.

So we don’t know
what kind of state has

actually been taken from
this for the passenger.

But he’s like, look, if
I turn myself in now,

maybe I get some clemency,
maybe something goes right.

I’m not gonna get as much trouble.

But they’re going to try to
get him to turn in, of course,

on the driver who is an
associate, a friend, I assume.

He’s being arrested for obstruction of
public duties and possible attempted murder.

The driver still hasn’t been brought in.

So the driver we assume is
going to get attempted murder

and maybe more, who I want
to see how that one ends up.

This is a heavy story.

So, Ninja Ninja’s Japan, and see me, I
did a couple of experimental episodes

where I was talking about some
murders that happened in Japan.

They are Ninja Ninja’s Japan stories,

but I wanted to see how
I felt talking about them.

And I tend to be quite flippant, and so I
was like, I wanted to get the feeling right

before I actually brought
them into Ninja’s Japan.

We’re going to be doing heavier stories.

I just figure I have to give a warning of
some sort before the story actually begins.

So if you’re sensitive to that,
there’s sort of a trigger warning.

I don’t know what you would call it
modern days, but I am talking about death.

I am talking about
murder and stuff at times,

but I will give a warning
beforehand, or at least

until I get into the habit
that happens so regularly

that you can just expect that
there’s going to be this kind of story.

But for the moment, I’m
going to give you a warning.

This one involves suicide and death.

So be very, very aware of
that before the story begins.

They are prosecuting a dead girl for
gross negligence, resulting in death.

So this is a very interesting story

because of the legal
implications of suicide

in Japan when it ends
up hurting someone else.

She climbed to the 12th
story of a building and jumped

and then fell and hit a pedestrian,
killing both herself and the pedestrian.

And the prosecutors want
the indictment recorded.

So the big question is, why
are you going through the effort

of prosecuting a dead girl for a crime
when she can’t actually be punished for it?

Because it’s the news.

They don’t actually give you
reasons why they would do this.

They just sort of give you the
information of what happens.

So then I have to extrapolate
the reasons for myself.

And so I came up with several scenarios

because this is setting a precedent
should something happen again.

So let’s say someone
throws themselves off a

building and hits someone
else and they survive.

They want the precedent on the records
of what should happen to that person.

They want, let’s say, both of them survive.

The injured party and the
person who attempted suicide.

Suicide is illegal in Japan.

Like this isn’t a lot of countries.

What should the punishment,
the recompense, the ability

of the other person to sue,
all that has to be available.

And that is part of the crime to tell you

what they can and cannot
do in the courts after the fact.

So there is the scenario, both die.

The family still survives.

Maybe they want to sue the building.

Maybe they want to sue the family.

Maybe they want to sue the
government or something else.

You need something on record
that has actually happened.

So you can’t just let it go.

The building in this
case has been protected

because they put up a large glass
barrier that the girl climbed over.

So they want that on record.

Like the building has to
protect itself in so much.

But if they make it easily available,

maybe they are culpable
for some of the damages.

So the family of the victim,
the person who got killed

by essentially accidents,
they might be able to sue

the building company
for having an unsafe

building that someone
could commit suicide off of.

They need to know what
they can and cannot do.

This would have a lot to
do with insurance, I think.

The family could sue the building.

So that would be a part of the insurance.

The family of the victim wants to sue
either the building or the other family.

The degree of the crime will be important.

So that’s going to determine
how much, you know,

recompense you actually get
as a result of the court case.

But in Japan, probably most importantly,

is to dissuade others from
doing the exact same thing.

It’s unlikely that it will
actually dissuade someone

because someone in
that sort of state of mind,

they are not thinking about the legal
ramifications of what they’re doing.

But maybe they do still
care about their family.

Should someone in Japan commit suicide
by throwing himself in front of a train,

which for a very long time was
the most common way to do it,

the family of the victim gets placed
with the burden of paying for the delays.

And that is millions and
millions and millions of yen,

especially if you’re
in a big city like Tokyo,

where it affects thousands and thousands
of hundreds of thousands of people.

I guess the smaller
city, the less the fine,

but that actually doesn’t
sort of assuage it a little bit.

It doesn’t make it any
easier for the family to handle.

And this wasn’t done to punish the family.

This was to try to dissuade other people

from putting that burden on
their family in the first place.

Hoping that you care
about your family enough

that you’ll at least not do it this way,
which is a very awful way to think about it,

but these companies have to
think about it in a practical way,

because they have to deal with the aftermath,
as well as just as much as anyone else.

But because they have to
deal with it in a practical way,

they have to start thinking
about it in a practical way.

Unfortunately, Instant where a girl was
suicidal and threw herself off a building

has actually been prosecuted
for the death that resulted in

her landing on someone and
actually killing a pedestrian.

This is sort of an update to a story,

but I stuck it at the end ’cause
there was another ass story coming up.

So we did a story a few
weeks ago about a politician

who was campaigning and he got girls
wearing a really, really small mini skirts,

like you could see the
bottom part of their ass

cheek sticking out when they
were just standing around normally.

Good Lord, if they ever bent over,
there would be nothing covering anything.

They were wearing hot
pants with like fishnet

stockings and they
were handing out flyers.

And everyone was like, “This is
distracting from the actual politics.

“This is just like a garbage drink.

“It people to sort of take his
flyer, “so we’ll remember his name.

” I mean, whether you say it’s
effective or not, he did not win the seat.

So you could actually
say that this did not help

his campaign as much
as he thought it would.

He’s in trouble for something else,

so these girls that he had
campaigning on his behalf,

first of all, they said, “Oh,
well, this is how I dress.

“I chose to dress this way.

“I was not told
to dress this way.

” Which I think any
reader or listener had

their doubts about if
we’re being really honest.

When you have really hot girls
campaigning for a very boring politician,

I think there was a conversation of what
they should wear and how they should look.

I think that’s actually fair.

Oh, we all agreed on the bright green
jacket that represents our candidate,

but the incredibly small miniskirt
that’s going to distract everyone

and bring everyone’s attention
towards me, that was my own choice.

Well, it turns out there
was more going on than that.

He offered 1,500 yen an
hour to the campaigners,

to these girls who were
wearing these miniskirts.

In Japan, if you campaign
on the behalf of a politician,

they cannot give you
money, that’s actually a crime.

So this politician,
again, this sort of puts

more information into
the whole pool here.

If he was willing to commit a crime to
pay these women to campaign on his behalf,

hand out flyers and
stuff, and he was willing to

pay them, I bet he was
willing to cross the line

where he was willing to talk
about what they should be

dressing and wear sexy clothes
that he could get more attention

from I’m assuming the
male audience he was trying

to, no, my brain just
went completely dead.

I just did 29 minutes, fairly
smoothly once I got started

and then just shut down
completely on one word where I

want to say that he was
trying to attract a male audience.

There you go.

I’ll have to edit a big chunk of that out

and I’ll just get a
tracked a male audience.

So there’s a lot of suspicions
about his morality now.

He’s clearly using sex to sell,

which we all know works,
but in this case, didn’t

work, and he’s willing
to break campaign laws

and pay the people who
are campaigning on his behalf,

which means did these hot girls in mini
skirts even support him in the first place?

Probably not.

I think they were just in it for the money.

So I connected this to the end

because this is the last
story of an engineer in Japan.

A man was going, and
it’s another ass story.

So the mini mini mini skirts is
really, we’re talking about girl butts.

This is about a man butt.

So we have girl to finish off.

We have a set of butts.

We have a bookmark of butts to
end off the episode, which is very nice.

A man was going up an escalator
and there was a woman, maybe

19 years old standing behind him
and he thought, you know what?

I really want this woman to see my butt.

So he pulled down his pants
and exposed his butt to her face.

Now I’m six foot and
I’ve realized if I stand two

steps behind someone, I am
almost exactly at ass level.

So I’m wondering if he had
done that calculation as well

’cause I always try to
stand one up or three

down so I’m not staring
directly at their ass.

I’m here for the man butts.

You’re here for the man butts.

I’m glad people are here for butts.

That’s great.

I should stick to my niche.

Name to New Japan.

That’s because I was listening to rotten
mangoes which is a true crime podcast.

I’d actually been watching
this chick on TikTok

and didn’t realize
she had a full podcast.

I’m not sure when moving someone
moves from insult to assault.

You’re not sure when
moving someone is assault.

I think if you stick something
in someone’s face, it’s assault.

I think that’s just what it is.

• I don’t like man butts.
• What story?
• I don’t like man but.

The man but is firm but.

Actually again, I don’t
know, how did it say the age?

I think it said the age and
I wrote, I think he was 48.

40 year old man but can go very,
very diverse as far as butt goes.

I don’t know how much
butt talk I wanna have.

I did, interesting fact.

And here’s the survey we could
have done the quiz but the Olympics.

I actually saw a thing
and they were talking

about which Olympians
have the best butts.

And it was a very interesting conversation.

It’s of course, you’re not really
supposed to talk about that

but of course these are
the pinnacle of fitness.

So therefore the best butts must be.

• Now we learn about, you know my butt.

Now my butt is a struggle.

Because I hurt my knees, I work on my knees

but that actually means I’m
doing a lot of squats and stuff.

So I’m assuming my butt is getting slightly
better but it was not great before.

• I should have can’t show it as butt.
• Okay, I’m gonna do con show story first

and then do Olympic story
and then get back to my story.

This is, I don’t know how this
is gonna cut into an episode

but I’m very happy to actually talk to
people as opposed to just doing stories.

So I’ve only been con
showed properly once in Japan.

Now this is something as an English teacher
that happens to every English teacher

because it’s not something
they prepare you for.

And it’s for anyone who
doesn’t know a con show is

when you steeple your
hands and get your fingers

and you get behind someone and
you jam your two fingers up their butt.

And then you probably shout
con show or something like that.

That is an enema, con show means enema.

I have an enema story
but I’ve told that elsewhere.

That, again my very first
year of teaching English

in Japan I’m in a room
with a bunch of little kids

and then some kid decides
ha-ha, a little bully kid too.

He says, he’s ironed a
con show that he should be

con shows me he shows
con show ha-ha, I turn around.

I have the biggest, heaviest
watch ever on my wrist at that point.

I’ve never had anything
go up my butt before.

So for me, this is a shock.

I’m not prepared for this.

I didn’t want this.

I was not in the mood.

I turn around real fast because
again, something just went up my butt.

My watch that is like five pounds.

It was the very first citizen
eco drive solar power watch.

So the battery in there is huge.

I turn around and smack
that kid in the face.

Not on purpose.

I whap that kid with my watch
as hard as humanly possible

because I turn around so fast because I was
not ready for something to go up my butt.

That kid got, he got laid out.

He hit the ground and he didn’t cry,

but he was like in shock, like
holy shit what just happened to me.

I did something I thought would be funny.

I thought would be funny.

The other kids would laugh.

No one’s laughing.

Everyone’s looking shocked at me.

I’m kind of embarrassed
and I got hit in the head.

That kid went around and told everyone,

if you hit chunking beef
test Sensei and you con

show him, he’s gonna
hit you as hard as he can.

And I never got con show it again.

So inadvertently violent solves problems.

I think if you do violence on
purpose, it doesn’t solve the problem.

But if I can turn on and go, that
was an accident, I didn’t mean to do it.

But the kid always is
going to have that doubt.

That doubt, that seed remains
and it grows into the tree

of never being con show
it again, which is great.

But you gotta be sure it’s clearly
unintentional for violence to be successful.

Back to the Olympics, which
athletes has the best butts?

Because I thought, you know, Judo’s good,
’cause they do an all round physical thing,

but then I was like,
it’s gotta be gymnasts.

Like gymnasts just, they work
every single muscle so thoroughly.

So I was like, but they were
looking specifically at butts.

So you have to think, what is the
most but intensive sport in the Olympics?

And I’m gonna give you a few seconds
to think about it and answer in the check.

And what do you think?

It’s probably power lifter.

Power lifters would be good,
but you gotta think power lifters,

they’re working the upper
body, they’re working hurdles.

Ah, shot put.

hurdles is good, hurdles is closer.

So again, this is not a definitive answer,

but the answer they gave
was one I wouldn’t have

thought of, which I thought
was very good answer.

So we’re gonna do that.

hurdles I think is better because
again, it’s a lot of leg power.

And then shot put, I think shot put
is as much upper body as lower body.

So you’re gonna get too much of a balance.

You gotta think just buttocks, just butt.

All right, so the answer, I think
all these were good answers,

but the answer they gave,
which I wouldn’t have thought of,

which I agree with is
fensors, because fensors

spend almost all the
time exclusively lunging.

And lunging works primarily
your gluteus maximus.

And that is a butt muscle.

So they’re going to have hard firm,
taught, large, strong, powerful buds.

And I was like, yep.

I mean, there’s lots of sports.

Again, I always thought
gymnastics because gymnastics

just says everything, but
then turn around and go there.

Where do you just lunge?

You just lunge over and over
again for hours and hours and hours?

I was like, yeah, I can’t
actually argue with that.

No, but there’s no definitive answer
’cause what butt you like is up to you.

• Hot pants, new uniform for fensors, 2028.
• We’ve had like half dozen
  stories on an engineer’s pen in

the last little while of they’re
making athletes uniform.

So there’s cameras that do like heat stuff.

I think it’s for taking pictures at night.

And they want– A
soft butt, good butt.

• Oh, I don’t want to
  grab it around or see.

Here’s the thing.

I don’t know.

Yeah, personal preference
does come into it.

I think we’re talking visual aesthetic.

‘Cause if we’re talking about touching,

that’s a personal preference
that goes into a whole other area.

But I think if we’re just
talking about physical aesthetic,

yes, I can agree with the
sentiment of what they’re saying

is these are the people who
work the most on their buds.

Unintentionally even that
I think that’s even better.

Touching it totally different thing.

Although I have always, not like a fantasy.

I don’t know why I should
be talking about this now.

I’ve always actually wanted
to get on with a gymnast.

And just like, is it different?

Does it feel different?

‘Cause I made out with a
girl with a tongue piercing.

And it wasn’t particularly different.

I was very disappointed.

And I get the feeling it
might be the same thing.

I have a friend who dated a ballerina.

He said like she could literally lift her
leg up over her own head and do stuff.

And I was like, hmm, that
opens a lot of possibilities.

But I’m gonna do the last
story of an engineer’s Japan.

Then I’m gonna move on to the other stuff

where you are more than
welcome to interrupt and chat.

But I do have to get the butt story out.

Although we had now an
extra like 10 minutes of butt.

So this is if we’re gonna be a very
butt heavy episode, which is good.

‘Cause who doesn’t like talking about butt?

I’m gonna recap the story just for
anyone who maybe have missed that.

The going up the escalator,
a man in his late 40s,

standing up there and he decides
there’s a woman who’s 19 behind me.

And I think she really
needs to see my butt today.

So he drops his pants, he
sticks her butt in her face.

I say that as a bit of color.

I don’t know if he actually did anything
other than just pull his pants down.

But this woman is standing behind him.

One or two steps behind, I assume,
looking essentially directly at his butt.

He was very quickly arrested.

There’s only so much you can do.

There are going to be
cameras all over a mall.

He’s in a subway or a mall at this point.

There’s going to be cameras everywhere.

The security guard saw him.

Security guard is like called the police.

And he’s like, “That’s
the guy with the butt.

” Arrest the butt.

When he was arrested, he
said, he tried to defend himself.

‘Cause they’re like,
this is public indecency.

You tried to show your bare bottom
to a woman who did not want to see it.

Now, if she wanted to
see it, told her she wouldn’t

have to talk about that,
but he states to the police.

It was not my intention
to show her my butt.

I wanted a younger woman to see
the T-back underwear I was wearing.

So he’s saying a T-back underwear
is Japanese for a G-string or a thong.

He’s saying that I wasn’t
showing her my butt.

I was showing her my sexy
underwear that I was wearing,

that she wouldn’t have known I was wearing
because there were no visible panty lines.

So I needed to undress,
reduce the amount of cloth

in front of her so she
could glory in the buttocks

and the framing of the T-back
underwear that I was wearing that day.

He wanted to show
her his G-string bullshit.

So I think weirdly and
that’s somehow better.

Yeah, so I jade just hit my point.

I think it’s actually worse
taking off your pants

and showing a G-string
versus a just naked butt.

I don’t know why.

I think because you’ve taken the
time to dress it up, that makes it worse.

You’ve taken the time to
decorate it and then display it.

That shows intense
where if I just was going

commando and I was
like, oh, hot girl behind me,

she clearly wants to see my
butt and I dropped my pants.

That would be like, oh, in the moment.

But this is premeditated.

This is like, I’m going
to get up this morning.

I’m going to choose my best G-string.

I’m going to put that on.

It’s got maybe some colors
to it up at the top part.

And then I’m going to
wait and I’m going to on the

elevator and I’ll be like,
here’s my, not victim.

The person who’s lucky
enough, the lottery winner

who gets to see my
butt today as dressed up

as it has ever been drops pants
and then they get to see that.

It’s the planning.

It’s the premeditation.

So this is, takes it from like level
one murder to third degree murder.

So like first degree murder
is like a moment of passion.

Third degree murder is like you made a plan

and you executed the plan
and that’s why it’s worse.

So he was arrested for
breaking the nuisance prevention

ordinance of the city,
which is basically you’re

an annoying human
being and we’re going to

arrest you for it, which
is a great rule to have.

Japan, I hate and love
the vagueness of the laws

they employ in Japan because
the vagueness of the laws means,

it’s sometimes very hard
to tell if something’s okay,

but it also in a situation
like this where a man is not

technically naked, he is
still responsible for the fact

that he does this thing
that grossed everyone out.

Oh, I have to use a French accent.

I don’t know if I can do that.

We have finished the episode for today.

Let me finish the Ninja
News Japan theme song.

Let me put that on for you right now.

OK, so that is the episode
of Ninja News Japan.

I would like to thank everybody who came
here today for the addition I was about.

Alternatively, his pants came
out to his nipples or something.

I think he was, so again, there
is a fault on the police officer.

They don’t, they don’t
give you enough description

enough intent enough detail for
me to be happy to be satisfied,

because what I want to
know is what was he wearing?

Was he wearing track pants
like I would on my day off?

Was he wearing business clothes?

Did he have to undo his belt?

How much of a process was
it for him to take the belt off

and put it down so the woman could see
his thong thong thong thong thong thong.

That is the information I wanted.

It is never the information
that is in the article.

I want the newspaper man.

I want the police officer to
give me a more detailed story.

I hope they reenacted the crime
like they do on the news sometimes.

I would love, see, this is it.

This is the problem with
a tiny, tiny, independent

show like mine is
what NTB’s just said.

I would love to do that.

If I could get enough money to
pay a computer animator person

to do like a cartoon of my version of
the story, it would be fucking hilarious.

It would be awesome,
but I can’t get to do it.

I do have to stop the French accent.

I would the French
accent and all that other

stuff was really just
for video game time.

I don’t know if I can
throw it into podcast time

because I am usually trying
to get through something.