(upbeat music)
Kida Kida names.
Okay, so what is Kida Kida?
If I’m gonna use any Japanese, I figure I have to explain it.
Kida Kida is sparkly or shiny or something like that.
So I’m assuming like when you collect Pokemon,
there’s Kida Kida Pokemon and special shiny Pokemon.
A Kida Kida name is therefore an unusual name.
They have rules in place about what names you can use for children.
Primarily comes down to the kanji.
Kanji is the Chinese characters.
So I wanna name my child.
There’s essentially an approved list of names that I can use.
I can’t call my kid demon.
I can’t use offensive or derogatory words.
That’s always been in place.
There have been over the last few years.
I remember some of students that I have
making a presentation about Kida Kida names.
And it was a lot of stuff from anime.
So it was like some kids name Pikachu,
some kids name Naruto, some kids name like Luffy, that kind of stuff.
So these were anime fans who decided that their anime
fandom was so important that they would
actually name their child after anime.
The Japanese government’s like, “Mm, we’re not cool with this anymore.”
Because they are saying that these kind
of weird or fancy names are bad for kids.
So they wanna make some new rules.
Basically names that make other people
uncomfortable are not going to be okay.
So if you wanna name your kid Pikachu or not like an anime character,
when you meet that person in real life.
So hello, my name is Peter.
The other one goes, “Hello, my name is Pikachu.”
I go, “Oh, fuck, that’s weird.”
That name might not be approved by the government.
You cannot use names that are easily confused by the kanji reading.
So basically you have different ways
Chinese characters can be read in Japanese.
And so you can play with those sounds.
So I’ll choose this one and this one.
And I’ll use this sound in this sound.
It’s very complicated actually.
So I can make a sound that means the
opposite of the words you’re looking at.
That’s not okay.
So let’s say I want, my name is Peter.
When I came to Japan, of course one of the first things
I wanna know is how do you write Peter in Japanese?
So they use katakana, which is a phonetic sound in Japanese.
So my name is Pita, which is fine, it’s pretty close.
But then not really understanding the system,
I’m like, well, what kanji would be used for Peter?
Peter doesn’t mean anything in Japanese.
So there is no kanji, there is no Chinese character that would relate to it.
So my students, you know, they were just having fun.
They’re like, ah, well, the P, there’s this like this character,
kind of makes a P sound if you use it this way.
And this one is Ta, so you can use that.
And it was devil T and I was like, oh, that sounds awesome.
But you couldn’t use devil.
If you actually wanted to register this name,
you couldn’t use the devil part of that,
as part of my name.
So the example that I read, I think this was sort of news,
said like if you want to use Chinese characters
that make the sounds micaru as a Michael, that’s not okay.
Because it’s very easily misreaded because
the Chinese characters have set sounds.
And that’s not how they’re normally used.
Dave’s being an asshole today.
Here you go.
One.
I’m trying to record a show of millions of people are going to watch.
And you’re just being a dick and ruining it.
So get the fuck out or sit down and shut up.
Those are your choices.
I’m going to put you out and then you’re
going to come on and come back, right?
Give me a flood, boy.
Dave thought I was going to follow on.
He’s probably really upset right now.
I’m going to have to wait.
He’s going to want to come back in.
Realize like having a dog that has been very coddled.
It’s very much like having a toddler.
It’s never going to grow out of being a toddler.
Okay, so that’s got to be the edit point.
Fuck, as soon as I get started.
Then come back in.
Sit down and shut up.
Come on.
(door opens)
It’s a lot easier for me to do C-McB with Dave on my lap
because most of that just comes out on my head.
The engineer’s Japan, I actually want to get quotes right and stuff.
I need my notes.
But whatever.
Okay, another edit point, but that’s just one bigger edit point.
(sighs)
So basically in Japan, you’re going to have to pick
from a list of kanji and there are sort of set readings
that you’re going to have to use
or those names will not be registered by the government.
That still means there’s thousands and thousands of names to choose from.
So over the next year, if this rule goes into place, the heads of family.
So when you have a house or a family and stuff,
you have to register the head of the household.
The head of the family is going to have to report
the family name so I’d have to write down
all the kanji, all the Chinese characters
that are used and how they are read.
And if I’ve messed around too much, those will not be registered.
So basically what they’re saying is, if I
don’t report my family’s names accurately
over the next year,
the government’s going to assign, so
I’d let’s say, so I’ve already had kids.
I’ve already chosen the Chinese characters for my kids.
Those have been registered.
What they actually want you to do is send
in how those are read to the government.
If you don’t do it within the next year,
the government will assign the reading to the name.
So you could actually have the government naming your children
if you don’t take sort of the initiative and actually report it yourself.
That’s an interesting problem.
So maybe my kid’s three years old, four years old.
He’s learned his name.
And then the government’s like, that’s not how you read those kanji.
That’s not how you read those Chinese characters.
You are going to have to call your child this other name
from now on because that’s how it’s properly read
because you didn’t register it properly
or you tried to play with the system.
There is no system that humanity is involved in
where they don’t try to like push the boundaries
or bend the rules to see if they can get away with it.
That’s just sort of human nature.
Japanese government, when it comes to names, they’re not messing around.
They are honestly just like, no, we’re locking it down.
You gotta do it this way.
If you don’t do it this way, we’re going to tell you your own child’s name.
(phone ringing)
Couple weeks ago, we talked about a Shogi player.
The Shogi player was not wearing his mask properly.
Basically he had his mask over his mouth, but his nose was sticking out.
That’s something that people who don’t really
like masks do to kind of gain the system
because they can technically say, I’m wearing
a mask because I have it over my face.
But my nose is sticking out, which of course
defeats the purpose of wearing a mask.
I think we all know that.
Who knew that Shogi players would be pedantic,
which kind of the phrase that runs through my head
every time I hit this kind of story?
He left the tournament.
He was actually booted out of the tournament
for not wearing his mask properly.
He said he would file a legal complaint.
He had three consecutive disqualifications
for not wearing a mask properly while playing Shogi.
And now he’s received a three-month suspension.
So this professional Shogi player, I mean, once you get disqualified twice,
you should realize they’re not messing around.
You’re going to get disqualified again, you do it again.
He did it again.
He again, sort of like the previous story, what are the rules?
Let’s push the boundaries.
Let’s see how much trouble I can get
into before I actually get into trouble.
He claims that the temporary coronavirus rules
do not say you must not expose your nose and even if you expose your nose,
oh, this is his quote.
So like, sorry, I’m kind of messed that up.
His quote is that the rules do not say you must not expose your nose.
And even if you expose your nose, there will not be any droplets
as you are not talking during the match.
The ruling is absurd.
So he’s saying that the rules don’t specifically say
that the mask must cover your nose.
Therefore, he can wear a mask that does not cover his nose.
This is again, spirit of the law versus letter of the law.
The letter of the law says you must wear a mask.
It does not say how you have to wear a mask
so I could put it on the top of my head.
Oh, I’m wearing a mask.
We saw a lot of this in America when the anti-maskers
were going around trying to like make fun of people wearing masks.
There were people wearing like lace masks
that had gigantic holes in them obviously doing nothing.
They called them face diapers.
I remember all that.
This guy’s obviously in the same genre of person, I guess.
But he is again talking about suing them, but I think that’s not gonna,
I don’t think he realizes like, this is not an argument he can win.
The rules said wear a mask.
They, the governing body of Shogi is going to decide
what is appropriate when it comes to wearing a mask.
You gotta wear a mask.
Weirdly, I am not surprised that Shogi players are kind of dicks.
I don’t know what that says about me or about Shogi players,
but again, to me, chess players, being pedantic and annoying seems on brand.
Is that me, a bad person? I wonder.
I wonder if what I’ve done is stereotyped chess players.
Jade is putting them in, nah, they’re dicks.
Which, okay, at least I am not alone in my
feeling about essentially pedantic people.
Okay, so we’ve also in every country now had a balloon story.
So spy balloon.
So America had found a spy balloon.
It was floating around, they shot it down.
Now it’s come out that there’s a whole bunch
that have floated around America in the past.
The same things happened in Japan.
We’ve seen spy balloons.
This has led to a couple of interesting statements by China.
China denies the balloons in Japanese airspace, we’re Chinese.
So they’re saying, yes, maybe you saw some balloons,
but they were not Chinese balloons.
Therefore, you should not be angry.
Japan said, like, look, we find stuff in our airspace.
We should be able to shoot it down.
So they’re actually now talking about what should they do?
We find a balloon in our airspace.
Are we gonna shoot it down?
How do we shoot it down?
You know, what’s the best way to shoot it down?
They have to get permission from the government
and that permission then has to get also
relate to the Japanese self-defense force.
But they’re saying basically, if there is an object
in our airspace and we can shoot it down safely,
we think we’re gonna start shooting it down pretty safely.
Like, they don’t want it to crash into like a town
or something and actually hurt somebody.
China then says, we are opposed to attacks against China without proof.
Now, they just previously said, it’s not a Chinese balloon.
Maybe it’s a North Korean balloon.
Maybe it’s a balloon from another country.
And Japan’s like, we’re gonna shoot it down.
They’re like, well, you would stop attacking China.
And they’re like, wait a minute, if it’s
not a Chinese balloon and we shoot it down,
we’re not really attacking China, are we?
So there’s a little dichotomy.
I don’t know if that’s really the right word.
There’s a logical fallacy happening in
the Chinese side of the arguments of this.
As in, it’s not a Chinese balloon,
but we really don’t think you should be attacking China by shooting it down.
So how is shooting down, let’s say,
Korean North Korean-Bulled Spi-Bulling down
an attack on China?
So it’s interesting that again, they don’t see any problem with saying
sort of contradictory statements.
Then they demanded that Japan stop following US propaganda.
Because of course, the Americans are saying
that the balloons that are floating around
are Chinese as well.
I’m assuming at this point they know whether it is or not.
(clock ticking)
From this point forward, we’ve done all the actual good news.
Almost everything else, you see, they’re violent or gross.
So this is your warning going forward, maybe a trigger warning.
It’s people beating each other up and gross men.
It’s all men.
I, okay, you wanna talk about sexism.
I, what I try to do with my notes is,
go from least amount of poop in sexual assault.
To most amount of poop in sexual assault.
That’s kind of the logic I use.
So I use all the stories we’ve just done
are relatively clean international politics.
And now it gets violent and dirty.
It’s either when people come here for or where they should stop the podcast.
But let’s go.
So I got two robbery stories.
There was a man robbed a convenience store.
He got 50,000 yen, let’s say like 500 bucks to do the quick math.
So I mean, that’s actually pretty good haul for convenience store robbery,
but also not really worth it in my opinion.
He then went around to three other convenience stores in a 700 meter radius,
which actually just really tells you how
many convenience stores they’re out in Japan.
And tried to Rob them.
All those people refused.
And he didn’t get anything else.
In one of the stores, he went to a different store during his crime spree.
And tried to pay his phone bill, but then didn’t have money or something.
When he was arrested, he said the reason he robbed these stores
is ’cause he was in a bad mood.
He, the literal translation I got from
the Internet was he was in a foul mood,
so he robbed convenience stores.
Now that is an interesting way to do some sort of anger management.
Because I guess it’s not anger management.
It’s just expressing your anger.
There was a second man, completely different story.
Went to the convenience store, he wanted to go to the toilet.
And someone else went into the toilet first and took too long.
The man comes out of the toilet, goes outside,
the dude cranks him in the face two or three times.
So he beats him up.
The guy’s wallet falls out, so he steals his wallet.
When he was arrested, he said, he didn’t
beat up the man in order to steal his money.
He beat up the man because he took too long to toilet.
And again, I tend to like look at these
stories and go like, let’s look at the logic.
Which is worse?
Is it worse to beat someone up to steal from them?
Or is it worse to beat someone up because
they just took too long in the toilet
and you were annoyed?
I feel like beating someone up for their
money is actually less worse because,
yes, it’s all evil and terrible, but it has a purpose, it has a reason,
whereas beating someone up because they took too long in the toilet
actually has no reason.
Like that’s how I feel about it.
Like there was no logic behind that.
You’re just like, ah, that guy annoying me so I beat the shit out of him.
Yes, so Jade is put in the chat.
I beat him up and happened to take his wallet because it was on the ground,
is what his defense is.
I’m wondering if maybe there is a secondary crime.
Like beating someone up is a crime,
but beating someone up and stealing from them is worse
because we’re actually found that many
times in the past in the Indian use Japan,
where they tried to say, I did A, but I did not do B.
So like, I stabbed him but I wasn’t trying to murder him
so that I get assault charges, not murder charges.
That kind of stuff happens a lot.
I’m wondering if this guy knows the law enough to know
that I beat him up is actually not as bad
as I beat him up and tried to steal from him.
So maybe he’s telling the truth.
Maybe he’s just trying to offset the actual charges he’s going to be given.
(clock ticking)
I feel gross.
I’ve done so many, this is like 200 some episodes in the Indian use Japan.
I have done so many sort of dudes being gross, sexually.
It’s such a common story in Japan.
I’ve actually started to like not wanna do them,
but then it is the bit that people find interesting
is just how many weird sex stories there are.
So these two are kind of together.
There was a Kyoto man who was arrested recently
and over 12 years he made a 150 million yen.
That’s $1.1 million.
And he claims this is how he made his living
and the way he made his living was between, well for the last 12 years,
he was taking upskirt videos and uploading them online.
So he was going up escalators.
He basically put a smartphone in the front of his bag.
So probably on the inside and cut a little hole
where the camera is and then he would hold it
so that he could take videos of the woman
standing in front of him on the escalator
and take those videos and then post them online for money.
And he made $90,000 a year.
Between 2021 and 2022, they now have him filming 112 different women.
So he’s been arrested because of the anti-newsense ordinance
because filming up people skirts is a nuisance.
I actually think that should be escalated to sexual assault.
I think that’s actually what he should do.
And they’ve given him a much stricter sense.
This year volume of it is what is disgusting.
I guess once is not any worse than 3, 4, 500 times.
But yeah, no, I’m stuck in a loop.
Is there one worse?
No, they’re both bad.
You shouldn’t do it at all.
Anyways, we all kind of agree.
You should not do it at all.
It’s the thing that he made that much money off.
He made a million dollars.
No, it was over 12 years.
But his salary annually is bigger than my salary
doing on his work, which kind of bothers me.
But I think the bit I’m confused by is like,
porn is free on the Internet and upskirt
videos as good as they may be are not good.
I guess my point is you can kind of see
whatever you want on the Internet for free.
Why are people paying this guy?
How did he make 1.1 million dollars?
Maybe 10 years ago, it was more of a unique thing.
But I’m guessing they’re not paying for the video itself.
They’re paying for the invasion of
the person, which is why this is so gross.
Because again, the upskirt video is not going to show you
very much, it’s not going to be particularly sexual.
What they’re paying for is the woman to
be violated, which is how gross men are.
So, J.D. is putting in the exclusivity and the fact that they don’t know
didn’t want it done exactly.
So that’s kind of exactly what I’m saying.
It’s the violation of the person is the thrill is what they’re paying for.
And I guess maybe again, it’s so confusing to me
’cause I’m like, it’s not a very good video,
but I am not into the concept or the idea
of violating another person for sexual pleasure.
But of course, in Japan, that’s kind of a thing.
Voyeurism is a thing and that takes us into our next story.
I’ll do the sound.
‘Cause it is a new story.
16 men were arrested for filming over 10,000 women
in hot Springs across Japan over the last 30 years.
So I don’t know how this thing came about.
They didn’t give us the background, but these guys basically, this one guy,
20, 30 years ago, he’s like, I like to look at ladies bathing.
That’s sort of a trope in Japan.
And it’s actually very hard to do.
So what they would do is they’d go up on mountains
’cause a lot of the hot Springs are in mountains.
They’d go up in the mountains and get
telephoto lenses and video or them from there.
And then they’d have little weird parties
where they would show each other the videos
and what they would do is cut them together.
So this was almost like a video editing skills group.
And they would put in like little dirty comments
and stuff which I assume get off the other
guys who were watching the videos with you.
The ring leader started about 20 years
ago, he connected with 100 other voyeurers
and all 16 men have been arrested.
And he 16 men include doctors, a doctor from Tokyo,
company executives, local government officials.
So yeah, they would get expensive telephoto lens,
have little porn parties and watch them together.
I assume in Jerk each other off, I’m not sure.
The resorts are very concerned about this because this story gets out.
They’ve already been hit by hard by corona.
They’re not getting enough a lot of people coming because of corona.
And now there’s the second layer of women might not feel safe
going into the hot spring when if it’s open air.
‘Cause one of the appeals, the hot spring is that
it’s out in the open, you’re kind of in nature.
They put a fence up but you can then still
enjoy nature outside but you’re in the hot spring.
It’s really nice.
They’re gonna have to put like essentially a dome
over it or something which is really sad.
Because I love going to the hot spring
and I’ve never tried to look over the fence
into the women’s side which again, it’s sort
of a Japanese trope and like kids do it.
But these guys have just ruined that for everyone.
And the thing, this sad thing is, they’ve kind of ruined bathing cultures
of big deal in Japan and I really enjoyed it.
I have tattoos so I can’t go to a hot spring.
So I always went to private hot Springs
and what the ones I really, really like
is you go to a hotel.
It has a bath on the balcony.
So in the middle of winter you get on the balcony,
you get in the bath, you’re sitting in the super cold,
looking out over like the seascape or mountains or something like that.
It’s really, really nice.
But knowing someone was maybe videoing me would ruin that experience.
And I wouldn’t do it again.
These women have a right to not feel safe.
It sucks.
It sucks to take that away from other people.
And again, okay, this actually just
shows how my mind works pornographically.
And I’m like, in the quality of the video is not very good.
I’m all about video quality.
Which is really gross on my part.
But at least I’m like, everyone consenting,
get some good lighting, some makeup in there,
make sure everyone’s blemishes are taken care of, do some post production.
That’s my version of a good video.
I’m like these janky, these janky like
handheld videos just wouldn’t do it for me.
I want that, James put in, you want that 8K.
8K might be too much.
I don’t want to zoom in on anything.
I’ve never liked the get right in their
view for pornography and see the pores.
Yes, I would like to say, I like high definition.
I want to be able to really fully understand what’s going on.
I feel gross now for me, even though
I’m hopefully not saying anything that bad.
I think consent is the actually thing that makes it good for me,
is everyone’s having a good time.
Okay, our last story.
And of course that means it’s the grossest one.
There was a teen girl comes back to her bicycle
and finds that someone has pooped on her bicycle seat.
And then weirdly they found the guy really quickly.
So I assume again there was video of the guy
that he was still in the area, they found the guy.
She’s a teenager, he’s 28 years old and they arrest him for vandalism.
Hoping that girl doesn’t use her poop seat
anymore, but they arrest him for vandalism
and they say like why did you poop on this girl seat?
And he said it was because he liked her.
There is a very weird segment of society
that does not know how wooing works.
So the I liked her was a series of steps in his head.
to say how do I show her I like her?
Ah well, I will show her my most intimate moment
and present her with my own fecal matter
by pooping on the seat of her bicycle,
which is fucking horrendous really.
But it’s such an alien way of thinking.
And again, Japan’s gotten to this place where there’s so many people.
One of the surveys we did a couple weeks
ago is like, young people aren’t dating,
they’re not having relationships.
And I’m thinking maybe this is part of it.
Like people don’t know how to approach other people anymore.
They don’t know how to have human relationships.
So maybe they learn this weird stuff from the Internet
or they just got into this weird extreme
in their head where like, I know what she’ll like.
She’ll like my poop.
Now that’s the mental issues going on with the character involved.
There’s a physical one as well because
the poop wasn’t carried to the bicycle.
It wasn’t smeared on the bicycle.
It was deposited on the bicycle seat.
So if you think about a bicycle seat, even just an average, what’s gonna be,
we’ll have to say like three, four feet high.
He had to get up above that, pull down his pants.
This all has to be balanced.
Target the seat.
And then freely poop onto the seat while balancing.
This is like acrobatic stuff.
If you said to me right now, Peter,
there’s a bicycle I want you to poop on it on the seat.
And I want you to hit it.
I don’t think I could.
So what happens now is terrifying.
Jade is put in, I’m so quickly I pooped on her seat.
That is accurate.
And Botman says looking good chunk.
I think you’re probably looking at Dave right now.
My buddy.
Yeah, the last part, we’ve done a couple poop stories.
Ninja Ninja Japan was actually conceived from a very complicated poop story.
And this one is sort of follows the same
thing because the crime itself is terrible
and awful and disgusting.
I’m okay with that.
The physics involved, I find fascinating,
but they don’t tell you where the bicycle was.
So was it next to offense?
Did he balance on the fence and then poop on the bicycle?
Did he balance on the bicycle?
And then poop on the bicycle seat?
These are questions that we will never get answers to.
But my mind reels at the possibilities
of how physically capable this man must have been to poop on a bicycle seat
and yet how mentally incapable he was to realize
that that would not help the women find him attractive.
So you have maybe a balance of powers.
He is physically, weirdly capable, but mentally, incredibly deficient.
And that maybe is the problem with just modern society
is the people who have one ability.
They seem to be completely lacking in others.
I don’t know how to fix it if I’m being really honest.
Weirdly, my first thought was everyone should do judo.
‘Cause that’s what’s helped me balance out my life.
Maybe it’ll work for everyone else. I doubt it.
(upbeat music)
This is my solution to almost every problem is, you should just do judo.
I mean, that fixes all your problems.
It balances out your sort of aggressiveness.
It’ll balance out.
You learn Patience.
You learn that you can win and lose.
You have to Patience and never give up.
I do have one more story, but it’s just for video.
And it was just this poster.
I saw this poster.
Now this poster is an anti-terrorism poster
that’s gone up around, I believe, Tokyo.
And it just says, no terrorism, we need your will to eradicate terrorism.
And then it has a very attractive woman just standing staring at you.
So I’m wondering, who is this is aimed at?
Is this aimed at me?
Because I find women attractive.
Is this aimed at me?
And because she’s pretty, I’m going to stop terrorism?
Or is this aimed at terrorists?
Like, if you do terrorism, you’re gonna make this pretty lady sad.
Down at the bottom says, thank you for cooperation to understanding
of our police activity.
So basically they’re saying in this area,
maybe there are more an increased police presence or something like that.
Please don’t mind the police because this pretty lady needs to be kept safe.
I’m just confused as to the message this is supposed to actually said.
Japan, basically any topic, any issue
is handled with just sticking a pretty girl’s face on it.
As a cis man, I’m all for it, I’m good.
This is what I want.
Pretty girl faces everywhere I go.
But I want to say effectiveness,
I don’t think they’ve really hit what they’re aiming for.